Human evolution and culture in relationship to shame in the parenting role: Implications for psychology and psychotherapy

Abstract

Objectives There is considerable evidence that early parenting has profound effects on a range of physiological and psychological maturation processes. Furthermore, psychotherapy often addresses some of the distortions and developmental difficulties that have arisen from early childhood. While research has focused on obvious candidates such as abuse and neglect, this paper reviews some of the core themes related to a less investigated area, specifically parental shame on child development. Role shame sensitive parenting styles will be explored against an evolutionary background that contrasts early human and modern human rearing contexts. We also outline a study examining the role of shame in psychological controlling and dysfunctional parenting styles, its relationship to different dimensions of shame and fears of compassion. Design An online survey was conducted containing self‐report measures of dysfunctional parenting styles, three dimensions of shame (external, internal, and reflected), fears of compassion, mental health indices, and a measure of psychological flexibility. Methods An online survey was accessed by 333 parents (306 being female) with a child between the ages of 3–9 years. Results Two hierarchical multiple regressions indicated support for our two primary hypotheses, with shame explaining significant variance in both psychological controlling and dysfunctional parenting styles over and above that explained by psychological inflexibility, parental mental health, and fears of compassion. Additionally, results from standard multiple regressions indicated that fears of compassion account for significant variance in external shame, as well as internal and reflected shame. Conclusions Recommendations for future research include focusing on parental motivation in order to help support parents and children are provided. Practitioner points Shame is a major factor for how parents engage in parenting practices and respond to their children Practitioners need to be sensitive to the shame parents can experience and asses for it Assessing shame‐threat in parenting and shifting to compassionate motivation can lead to more responsive and positive parenting

The Role of Compassionate and Self-Image Goals in Predicting Psychological Controlling and Facilitative Parenting Styles

“…Participants were asked to imagine their child in a variety of brief parenting scenarios, adapted from Kirby et al (2019). There were six scenarios in total describing problematic behavior of the child.…”

“…These scenarios included: (1) imagine your child having a tantrum in public; (2) imagine your child is not doing well at childcare/school; (3) imagine your child has been accused of bullying; (4) imagine your child doesn’t do what you ask them when in public; (5) imagine your child swears when in public; and (6) imagine your child hits another child and makes them cry when in public. Participants’ reactions to each parenting scenario was assessed using a subscale of emotions, and a subscale of reflect shame, that has been used previously in the Kirby et al (2019) study.…”

“…A number of authors have also highlighted the importance of assessing parental motives and concerns as sources of variation in parenting (Abidin, 1992; Sanders and Mazzucchelli, 2018; Kirby et al, 2019). Indeed there are a number of different motives underpinning maternal parental styles including: authoritarian versus authoritative (Robinson et al, 1995); facilitative, which is work around and with the child’s needs, in contrast to regulating, which seeks to enable the child to fit into routines and structures of the family and parent (Raphael-Leff, 1986).…”

Nurturing Family Environments for Children: Compassion-Focused Parenting as a Form of Parenting Intervention

“…Extending on these findings, Kirby, Sampson, Day, Hayes and Gilbert [58] examined the role that shame and compassion may play in texturing parenting style. The authors predicted that those parents who had high levels of shame (rank and self-image focused) and fears of compassion would engage in parenting styles that were both psychological controlling and dysfunctional.…”

Foundations of peace and harmony in families and communities: Insights from a TRUST, LEARN and CARE (TLC) framework

“…Kirby, J. N., Sampson, H., Day, J., Hayes, A., & Gilbert, P. (2019). Human evolution and culture in relationship to shame in the parenting role: Implications for psychology and psychotherapy.…”