‘I Miss My Little One A Lot’: How Father Love Motivates Change in Men Who Have Used Violence

Abstract

This paper presents selected findings from a research‐based evaluation of a men's domestic violence intervention programme, which aims to assist men to develop alternative ways of relating to their partners, children and others. The qualitative component of this evaluation involved conducting interviews with 21 group participants after their completion of the course. These interviews investigated several issues, including participants' perceptions of their relationships with their children. The main theme underpinning all discussions of children was an expression of love, in that love for their children served as a motivation to stop using violence and to develop alternative ways of relating to all family members. The paper concludes by discussing the potential of men's relationships with their children as powerful contexts, or points of leverage, through which the impact of their violent behaviour can be realised and confronted. By realising the impact that violent behaviour can have on children's wellbeing and fathers' interpersonal relationships with them, it is argued that intervention programmes can support men to develop more appropriate ways of relating to their children, and thus safeguard children from potential long‐term consequences of domestic abuse. Copyright © 2015 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. Key Practitioner Messages Men attending domestic violence intervention programmes demonstrate a wide range of attitudes towards their partners and former partners, but unanimously report a desire to maintain meaningful relationships with their children. Men who have used violence in their family relationships can be challenged and motivated to change through realising the impact of their behaviour on their children's wellbeing and their father‐child relationships.

All You Need is Love (Plus a Good Evidence Base, a Healthy Dose of Scepticism, and Patience and Perseverance in Working with Families!)

“…This builds on a previous paper which explored the men's perspectives on their relationships with their partners (Gray et al , ). Perhaps the most striking finding of this research was the universal expression, by these fathers, of love for their children, and how that was ‘motivating them to stop using violence and to develop positive relationships with all family members’ (Broady et al , , p. 335). Broady and his colleagues suggest that…”

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‘The frustrations reported at not having contact with their children emerged as a particularly powerful experience that could be harnessed to encourage men to acknowledge the severity of their behaviour and to find alternative ways of relating to family members.’ (Broady et al ., , p. 336).

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“…But can violent men really change? In our first paper for this issue, Timothy Broady and colleagues () report on an evaluation of a men's domestic violence intervention programme, using a qualitative analysis of interviews with 21 participants. In this part of the evaluation, they focused on the participants' perceptions of their relationships with their children.…”

“…Indeed, reading some of the reports quoted in Broady et al . 's () paper, one could question whether the reported love for their children really was the underlying motive for change, or whether this was in fact a further reflection of their own manipulative or self‐focused attitudes. As with so much of our safeguarding practice, we need to hold on to the hope that children's lives can be better.…”

Promoting Best Practice in Assessment and Intervention: The Challenges of Working in Times of Cutbacks and Change

“…Indeed, Broady et al . () have previously called for DV intervention programmes to help men to confront the impact of their violent behaviour on their children's wellbeing and their relationships with them.…”