‘In practice it can be so much harder’: Young people's approaches and experiences of supporting friends experiencing domestic abuse

Abstract

Young people are more likely to seek help about abusive relationships from friends, rather than adults or professionals, irrespective of gender, age or ethnic group. However, friends may be unequipped to deal with relationship problems and unable to provide adequate emotional or practical support. The aim of this paper is to explore how young people would support friends if they were seeking help or shared experiences of abuse. Qualitative findings drawn from a larger UK mixed-methods study are used to explicate this. Data was gathered using 16 focus groups and one interview with girls, young women and non-binary young people aged 13 to 24 years. Thematic analysis provided six themes pertaining to supporting friends and help-seeking around relationship abuse. Findings showed young people recommended supporting friends in a non-judgemental way to keep conversations open and help them recognise unhealthy behaviours. However, young people confirmed this is a difficult topic and many would feel fearful, helpless and under pressure. Conversations illustrated the need for more awareness of non-physical abuse and resources specifically aimed at young people to enable them to help friends and know where and when to seek professional support. K E Y W O R D S domestic abuse, help seeking, supporting friends, young people Key Practitioner Messages• Young people are disproportionally impacted by domestic abuse.• Young people do not recognise the signs of domestic abuse as it is so normalised in their friendship groups. • Young people are more likely to go to friends to seek support about toxic relationships than adults or professionals. • Young people do not access professionals due to a lack of trust, confidentiality and feeling that they will not be believed. • Approaches to young people who seek support should be supportive, understanding and accepting with guidance, advice and signposting for issues around domestic abuse.

Friends, peers and safeguarding

“…Understanding, and support without being judged, seems critical. As one young person from the paper by Daw et al (2022) explains:

The best thing that I did was to be there for her [friend]. Not try and pressure her into breaking up with him, because that's, kind of, being just as bad as him, but, like, to just be emotionally there for her and make sure you're there to comfort her whenever she's down.

…”

“…Finally, there is a risk that some young people will feel (or be) burdened when supporting their friends or peers. Authors noted a need to mitigate any ‘responsibilisation’ that might be an unintended consequence of providing young people with the skills and formal space to support each other with experiences of abuse (Daw et al, 2022). For example, when young people were asked about the possibility of being approached by friends who were experiencing domestic abuse, they reported being concerned that they would feel fearful and helpless.…”

“…Likewise, in studies from the United Kingdom, Daw et al (2022) identified that young people can feel 'helpless' and 'fearful' when their friends seek support around domestic abuse, and Warrington et al found that precarious peer cultures were not always suitable for providing support in the aftermath of sexual violence.…”

“…Understanding, and support without being judged, seems critical. As one young person from the paper by Daw et al (2022) explains:…”