The most common tender cutaneous neoplasm is a dermatofibroma. The characteristics of three women (35 to 42 years old) with painful dermatofibromas are described. One woman was receiving immunosuppressive therapy for the past decade following a liver transplant; the other women were healthy. The dermatofibroma was located on the buttock, shoulder, and arm, respectively; tumor-related pain had been present for several months to at least a year. The dermal nodules ranged in diameter from 5 millimeters to 12 millimeters and were either flesh-colored to slightly red or brown or tan; one tumor was surrounded by a hyperpigmented patch. Microscopic examination showed the following dermatofibroma variants: classic (fibrocollagenous) in two women and histiocytic in one woman. All the women experienced resolution, without recurrence, of pain following the punch biopsy that only removed the majority (but not all) of the dermatofibroma. Tender cutaneous neoplasms include not only dermatofibromas and other fibrous lesions, but also adipose, bone, calcium, cartilage, eccrine, infiltrative, lymphoproliferative, muscle, neural, and vascular tumors. Acronyms and acrostics are mnemonic devices that have been used by clinicians to aid in recalling the diagnoses associated with painful skin tumors. When there were only 11 or less number of pain-related cutaneous conditions, shorter acronyms associated with either a woman's name, a country or an egg were used. A unique acrostic inspired by Charlotte's Web, a children's book by E. B. White, was created when the differential diagnosis of tender cutaneous neoplasms expanded to 25 tumors. The sequential discovery of additional tender skin lesions resulted in two subsequent minor revisions to the original, hog-related, mnemonic. Herein, a new acrostic --that is not only able to incorporate the inspiration from Charlotte's Web, but also includes cutaneous lymphoma and a final category of "everything else" in order to maintain the future integrity of mnemonic --for the painful tumors of the skin is proposed: HOG FLED PEN AND GETS CALM LIFE BACK (