“Living for others”: Narrating agency in the context of failed marriages and singleness in urban Sri Lanka

Abstract

Marriage is a cultural imperative in Sri Lanka and is constructed as the principal source of personal fulfilment for women. This paper critically examines through two case studies – a never-married woman and a woman in a “failed” marriage – how women from older generations narrate their life histories using culturally coherent repertoires. By deconstructing the subject positions of the “long-suffering wife”, the “devoted mother”, and the “selfless woman”, I reveal the spaces for manoeuvre these women create to experience well-being and exercise agency outside of the culture’s “hegemonic narrative” of successful marriage and maternity. Using the life history narratives I challenge the tendency to imagine older women’s lives as more constrained and illustrate the ways in which equivocal narratives about independence and self-sacrifice, about freedom and suffering simultaneously conceal agency while allowing non-normative ways of being.

Perceptions on the sexual harassment of female nurses in a state hospital in Sri Lanka: a qualitative study

“…Nurses were concerned about societal stereotypes of nurses hindering traditional marriage proposals. Marriage in Sri Lanka is still important for the economic and psychological well-being of women [30]. Some families believe that marriage is the primary goal for women's self-fulfilment.…”

Embodied shame and gendered demeanours in young women in Sri Lanka

“…Securing good marriage partners for their children is an important kinship obligation that looms large in a family’s mind (Abeyasekera, 2016). A ‘good’ marriage denotes success in a girl’s life; it is also an important status marker and a means of social mobility for the couple and for their families (Abeyasekera, 2016, 2017). In order to secure a good marriage, a girl’s parents must guard her virginity and, equally, her appearance of sexual propriety.…”

Toward a transnational feminist psychology of women’s reproductive experiences.

“…From the standpoint of feminists in the Minority World, it might seem archaic, unacceptably heteronormative, and even antifeminist to begin a discussion of women's reproductive lives with a consideration of (heterosexual) marriage. However, in much of the Majority World, (heterosexual) marriage-as a legal institution, a foundational social structure, and the normative context for adulthood-figures importantly in the regulation of women's lives, both before and after they are married (Abeyasekera, 2017). A transnational standpoint demands that we study women's desires and strategies regarding sexuality and childbearing as they reflect the local social organization and cultural ethos.…”

“…Divorces are infrequent, even when couples have long lived apart and consider their relationship over. In both rural and urban settings, everyday sociality, as well as political and economic life, is organized around marital alliances and family lineages (Abeyasekera, 2017).…”