Living single: A phenomenological study of a group of South African single women

Abstract

Worldwide, societies continue to privilege the ideology of couplehood to the detriment of other relationship states, like singlehood, that are steadily increasing in number. Furthermore, according to developmental psychology theory, the formation of a committed romantic relationship is viewed as an important psychosocial developmental task in adulthood. It is therefore not surprising that women’s experience of being single has generally been neglected by psychological theory and research. Situated in a feminist-phenomenological perspective, this study explored the experiences of tertiary-educated, child-free, never-married, White, South African women between the ages of 30 and 40. Giorgi’s descriptive-phenomenological method was used to analyse the individual interview data. In this article, we discuss four of the prominent themes that best reflect the collective views and multi-faceted experiences of the participants: singlehood brings both freedom and loneliness; career as both fulfilment and singlehood coping mechanism; committed partners as sources of both restriction and connection; and hoping for a committed relationship. We highlight how the notion of a committed sexual relationship as the ultimate relationship that provides effortless connectedness and companionship underpins all of these themes. We argue that alternative discourses and mechanisms of connection that accommodate people who live as single adults, should be fostered.

Different adulthoods: Normative development and transgressive trajectories

“…They give the example of family gatherings as key moments in which normative expectations of adulthood play out and serve to exclude disabled women from adulthood. Similarly Sjöberg and Bertilsdotter Rosqvist’s research (2018, this issue) demonstrates how women who become mothers at what is seen as the ‘wrong’ time are constantly called on to reaffirm their identity as a good mother, and the women in Lesch and Van der Watt’s research (2018, this issue) are seen to need to account for their lives in contrast to the expected norm of coupledom or parenthood.…”

“…Riggs and Bartholomaeus (2018, this issue) discuss how the concept of the ‘childless other’ is drawn on negatively by their participants as a contrast to the socially approved decision to have a child. Lesch and Van der Watt (2018, this issue) also address being childless in their work on childless single women in South Africa. They argue that for the white South African women in their study, the ideology of couplehood was a very strong negative pressure that served to position women who have never married or lived with a partner as problematic and in some way lacking.…”

“…Their reworking of Erikson’s theory offers a critique of concepts of autonomy, generativity, and intimacy in ways that acknowledge and include diversity. Similarly, Lesch and Van der Watt (2018, this issue) call for an expansion of ideas about social connection to include relationships outside of couplehood as meaningful and valuable.…”

Voices of (m)otherhood: Listening to the experiences of single and childless women

“…The pressure to marry and have children tend to be the greatest for single and childless women in their 30s and 40s, who are considered to be non-normative (Addie & Brownlow, 2014; Lesch & van der Watt, 2018; Moore & Radtke, 2015; Ntoimo & Isiugo-Abanihe, 2014; Wang & Abbott, 2013). Specifically, in Canada, single women at ages 35–45 are positioned as non-normative in relation to marriage and motherhood (Moore & Radtke, 2015).…”

“…Despite statistics showing that many young women are departing from conventional roles and expectations, the ideology of marriage and family or “familism” (Byrne, 2003, p. 443) remains a dominant cultural narrative in North America (Budgeon, 2016; Moore & Radtke, 2015; Sarkisian & Gerstel, 2016; Sharp & Ganong, 2011) and around the world (Lahad & Hazan, 2014; Lamb, 2018; Lesch & van der Watt, 2018). Research studies have shown that women experience more pronounced pressure to abide by this ideology than men (Budgeon, 2016; Simpson, 2016) because gender constructions emphasize caring and dependence as requirements of femininity.…”