Love and Sexuality in the Therapeutic Relationship

Abstract

We examine sexual and loving feelings, on the part of both the therapist and patient, as they relate to their real relationship, patient transference, and therapist countertransference. Loving feelings (agape) often are part of a strong real relationship and they tend to have a positive effect. Sexual feelings, too, may be part of the real relationship, but they are also often more conflict-based, residing in the transference and countertransference experience. It is deeply important for the therapist to seek understanding of his or her own and the patient's loving and sexual feelings, and to tease apart, as much as possible, the extent to which they are real relationship versus transference-countertransference-based. The patient's loving and sexual feelings toward the therapist need to be explored and understood just as other feelings. Although it is crucial that the therapist seek understanding of his or her own loving and sexual feelings toward the patient, we express serious reservations about the therapeutic value of sharing these with the patient.

Self‐concept of relational skills in psychotherapy trainees: A pilot study

“…However, that does not mean that changes in the relational skills and emotions" (Gelso et al, 2014). We thought that, despite the quantitative nature of our study, we would still be able to capture changes in the way trainees perceive, form, maintain and establish real, meaningful relationship with themselves and others.…”

“…Pascual‐Leone et al. (, p. 587) describe such important self‐development processes, which lay the foundation for creating and sustaining real relationships to oneself and others: trainees being able to better understand themselves, being more emotionally aware, experiencing “positive growth as a person,” acquiring “a new view of themselves, of their needs and difficulties,” becoming less critical to themselves, “more sensitive and expressive,” experiencing “personal growth in relationships,” “improvement of their love life,” “articulate better their personal needs and emotions” (Gelso et al., ). We thought that, despite the quantitative nature of our study, we would still be able to capture changes in the way trainees perceive, form, maintain and establish real, meaningful relationship with themselves and others.…”

“…A considerable amount of literature provides evidence that the personal characteristics of practitioners and their “interpersonal capacities” (Nissen‐Lie, Havik, Høglend, Monsen, & Rønnestad, , p. 2) represent a central aspect of therapeutic work and comprise one of “the most reliable predictors” of therapy outcome (Dennhag, ; Fiegl, ; Hill, Sullivan, Knox, & Schlosser, ; Messina et al., ; Nissen‐Lie et al., , p. 2; Orlinsky & Rønnestad, ; Orlinsky, Rønnestad, & Willutzki, ; Pascual‐Leone et al., ; Pauza, ; Rønnestad & Skovholt, ; Strauss & Kohl, ). Moreover, recent studies show that the ability to form a genuine, real relationship, marked with authenticity, positive valence and realism is crucial for the development of a healing, therapeutic relationship (Budge & Wampold, ; Gelso, ; Gelso, Pérez Rojas, & Marmarosh, ; Orlinsky et al., ; Wampold & Budge, ).…”

“…Indeed, therapeutic training fosters intense self‐exploration, personal development, continual confrontation with one's values and beliefs, and encourages “shaking off” previous social roles, old patterns of functioning and perception, illusory aspects of the self and “finding of the self” (Carkhuff, ; Hill et al., ; Pascual‐Leone et al., ; Philippson, , p. 9; Wegscheider, ). Besides being fundamental for self‐development, these are necessary processes for developing the ability to authentically relate to oneself and others: being able to form real relationships , marked with “positive and reality‐based feelings towards each other,” and giving space for whatever there is to emerge—features, essential not only for fulfilling personal relationships but also for the therapeutic ones (Gelso et al., , p. 124).…”

Assessing Marriage and Family Therapy Graduate Students’ Responses to Sexual Attraction in Therapy

“…More recently, Gelso et al (2014) have stated: "When examining love and sexuality in the therapeutic relationship it is deeply important for the therapist to seek understanding of his or her own and the patient's loving and sexual feelings, and to tease apart, as much as possible, the extent to which they are real relationship versus transference-countertransference based. The patient's loving and sexual feelings toward the therapist need to be explored and understood just as other feelings.…”