Messing up research: A dialogical account of gender, reflexivity, and governance in auto‐ethnography

Abstract

This paper aims to contribute to a growing critical and reflexive awareness of the implications of gendered assumptions about ontology, epistemology, and ethics in academic research governance and practice. It provides a retrospective account of the authors' shared experiences of an autoethnographic study of lap dancing clubs, focusing on critical or "sticky moments" encountered, and considering the implications of these for research more widely. It does so by highlighting the gendered power relations shaping academic research, showing how Judith Butler's critique of the heterosexual matrix can be applied to a critical, reflexive understanding of the impact of binary, hierarchical gender power relations. The analysis provides insight into some of the ways in which autoethnographic research on sexualized work may become messy, dirty, and sticky in ways that accentuate power inequalities but also open up moments of opportunity for gender binaries and hierarchies to be revealed, challenged, and resisted. Using a Butlerian lens to reflect on our experiences, we contribute to understanding how heteronormative assumptions shape perceptions of what makes "good," "clean," and ethically (formally) approved research that conforms to the governmental norms of the heterosexual matrix and, by implication, those contaminating forms of research that disrupt or resist its disciplinary effects. As

Resisting sexisms, aggression, and burnout in academic leadership: Surviving in the gendered managerial academy

“…Although I deliberately struggled to contain my emotions during the Advisory Board to avoid further perceptions of weakness by the members, generally I tended not to repress displays of emotion in the workplace and in many instances could not have prevented emotion being shown even if I had tried. Suppression of emotion leaves people abject and inauthentic, whereas vulnerable and emotional bodies remain agentic and active (Hales & Galbally, 2023;Plester, Kim, Sayers et al, 2022). Moreover, emotion and feelings, as Ahmed (2017) reminds feminists, can be a site of rebellion.…”