‘Mom by choice, single by life's circumstance…’ Findings from a large scale survey of the experiences of single mothers by choice

Abstract

There has been a rise in recent years in the number of women choosing to have a child without the involvement of a partner. These women, often referred to as 'single mothers by choice' or 'choice mothers' differ from single mothers who find themselves parenting alone following divorce or separation. The present study collected data on the motivations and experiences of 291 single mothers by choice using online questionnaires. The findings showed that women often sought advice from others and made practical changes before becoming choice mothers. The most common method used to have a child was sperm donation with most opting for an anonymous donor. The majority felt that it was important for their child to have a male role model, and most ensured that their child had a male figure in their lives. Many choice mothers expressed some concern about their child of growing up without a father, although this did not necessarily mean that they wished to form a relationship in the future. Single mothers by choice are a distinct group of single mothers and more detailed studies are required to focus on issues that are of most relevance to them.

Choosing Single Motherhood?

“…However, they did feel that men and women parented in different ways and that a balance of male and female infl uence would be benefi cial to children. As such, and in line with the existing SMC literature (see Hertz and Ferguson 1997;Hertz 2002Hertz , 2006Jadva et al 2009) all participants had thought about men in their lives who could act as male role models for their children. However, their concern regarding the absence of a father extended beyond the practical importance of a masculine infl uence to a more symbolic importance that included knowing one's father.…”

“…It could be assumed that SMCs will not experience such diffi culties. They are typically older, fi nancially secure professional women (Murray and Golombok 2005a,b;Hertz 2006;Jadva et al 2009). Nor will their children experience the confl ict and 'father loss' associated with the separation or divorce of their biological parents.…”

“…Studies have shown that the decision to pursue solo motherhood has only been taken when faced with limited prospects of fi nding a partner with whom to have a child in the time frame that their increasing age and decreasing fertility will allow: many SMCs would have rather become mothers in the context of a relationship (Mannis 1999;Bock 2000;Hertz 2006;Jadva et al 2009;Murray and Golombok: 2005a).…”

“…Despite being the sole parent, SMCs have described themselves as well supported (Hertz and Ferguson 1997;Jadva et al 2009). Furthermore, a few of the participants in my own study actually anticipated that the absence of a second parent might be an advantage of single motherhood by choice.…”

“…These 'Single Mothers by Choice' (SMCs), predominantly heterosexual women in their thirties and forties who are well educated and fi nancially independent Golombok 2005a, 2005b;Hertz 2006), can achieve motherhood via various routes but often do so through attending fertility clinics for treatment with donor sperm (Jadva 2009). As a consequence of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology (2008) Act no longer including the clause in the original (1990) Act requiring clinics to consider the child's need for a father in decisions about whether or not to offer fertility treatment, the number of British women able to embark upon single motherhood through this route is likely to increase (Jadva, 2009). However, the prospect of single women accessing fertility treatments has generated much public and political debate.…”