Mothers' Ambivalence With Their Babies and Toddlers: Manifestations of Conflicts With Aggression

Abstract

In this paper the author continues his study of conflicts over aggression in women, discussing the implications for contemporary theories of feminine psychology of observations of mothers in parent/child groups with their infants and toddlers. Many mothers experience conflicts over aggression (both in themselves and in their children) and become intolerant of their ambivalence toward their children. The author suggests that this observation provides an avenue that allows an integration of psychoanalytic ideas about maternity and childrearing with psychoanalytic understandings of women's conflicts about achievement in the social realm outside the home. In both roles, difficulties mastering conflicts with aggression may cause women to struggle profoundly, and to experience problems, in successfully negotiating their important life goals, whether the goals refer to their roles as effective mothers or their roles as effective individuals in the social sphere outside the home. Some women may demonstrate these difficulties in one sphere or the other, some in both, and others in neither. The author suggests on the one hand that we need to eliminate the concept of normality when considering the activities of women, and on the other hand that we need to normalize the omnipresence of ambivalence in the psychology of women.

Symbolization and emotional engagement in mothers' reports of child care activities

“…This contrasts with the report of an angry experience in which the same mother seems more concerned with avoiding feelings of anger -thus, showing a dramatic decrease in her RA. This linguistic fi nding is consistent with Hoffman's (2003) clinical fi nding that new mothers often express guilt and shame over their own angry ambivalent feelings towards their babies and toddlers.…”

The everyday concerns of mothers of young children and the motivation to seek ongoing parenting support from experts

“…Mothers who expressed an interest in learning about their child's development and their desire to be part of a supportive group are consonant with the notion of a parenting programme and the continued enrolment of those who mentioned such concerns likely reflects the match of the programme to these concerns. What was important and consistent with clinical experience (Hoffman, 2003), however, was that mothers who made statements that reflected their ambivalence about being a parent and/or their confidence in parenting, such as 'greater sense of confidence in my instincts about parenting', 'a sense of confidence in my ability to parent', or 'I have mixed feelings about being a mother', were more likely to re-enrol in the group than mothers who did not mention these types of concerns at intake. In fact, of the 21 mothers who mentioned such concerns at entry, only 2 left after one semester.…”

“…Although the integration of such behaviours for new mothers is certainly important, the focus on amount of experience and behaviours minimises the importance of the subjective experience of becoming a mother. This perspective fails to adequately consider the importance of developing this new identity in the context of a woman's memories of childhood (Crockenberg & Leerkes, 2003), her identification with her own mother (Hoffman, 2003;Kretchmar & Jacobvitz, 2002;Priel & Besser, 2001), her work life (Hoffman, 2004), and other aspects of her identity.…”

“…Mother-child groups at the PCC As discussed in Hoffman (2003), Hoffman, Nachman, and Rosenman (2006, and , at the PCC, mothers and their babies and toddlers participate in weekly mother-child groups for one, two, or three years with a maximum of six mother-child dyads in each group. Many continue with the programme until the child 'ages out' at the age of 3 and many return with their subsequent children.…”

Observing, playing and supporting development: Anna Freud’s toddler groups past and present

“…To quote Hoffman (2003), many parents 'believe that good parenting involves the elimination of aggression, conflict or ambivalent feelings'. Putting challenging behaviours in a developmental context or linking them to external events may reduce parental anxiety, freeing them to be more in touch with their toddler's feelings and fears.…”