Mothers’ Continuing Bond With the Baby

Abstract

The nature of the ongoing bond maintained by the bereaved with the deceased has attracted considerable attention, but studies have generally ignored postdeath relationships when loss occurs in utero. The goal of this research was to reach an interpretive understanding of the continuing bond experience among Israeli mothers who underwent feticide, examining the strategies they use in maintaining a postdeath relationship with a child they did not know, whose death they chose and witnessed, within a social context that ignores their loss and forces them to silence their grief. The results highlight two themes: (a) strategies for relinquishing connection with the baby and (b) strategies for maintaining a postdeath relationship. These processes partially correspond with two theoretical views that shed light on interpretation of the results: the dual process of coping with bereavement and relational dialectic theory. Implications of the results to the practice of health providers are outlined.

Multicultural coping experiences of parents following perinatal loss: A meta‐ethnographic synthesis

“…In 11 papers, parents reported using avoidance strategies to deal with their loss and to protect themselves, since the pain of reliving the loss was avoided and blocked (Lafarge et al, ; Leichtentritt & Mahat‐Shamir, ). Parents distracted their thoughts by mingling with their social circle, performing routine activities or changing their previous routine and returning to work (Abdel‐Razeq & Al‐Gamal, ; Consonni & Petean, ; Gopichandran et al, ; Lafarge et al, ).…”

“…Culturally, some parents avoided expressing their grief due to the lack of social acceptance of these losses (Golan & Leichtentritt, ; Leichtentritt & Mahat‐Shamir, ). In early losses, this avoidance was exacerbated, since expressions of mourning are prohibited in some social environments (Kofod & Brinkmann, ):

People didn't want to hear… it's easier for everyone not knowing, not hearing… as if it just disappeared.

…”

“…In early losses, this avoidance was exacerbated, since expressions of mourning are prohibited in some social environments (Kofod & Brinkmann, ):

People didn't want to hear… it's easier for everyone not knowing, not hearing… as if it just disappeared. Mother (Leichtentritt & Mahat‐Shamir, ).

…”

“…People didn't want to hear… it's easier for everyone not knowing, not hearing… as if it just disappeared. Mother (Leichtentritt & Mahat‐Shamir, ).…”

“…Some parents also used strategies to disconnect from the baby, such as denying the existence of the child, not keeping memories and blocking thoughts and feelings about the baby (Carolan & Wright, ; Lafarge et al, ; Leichtentritt & Mahat‐Shamir, ; Pitt et al, ). Some mothers even questioned the biological or genetic connection between them and the baby (Leichtentritt & Mahat‐Shamir, ):

You convince yourself it is not really your genes… that genetics‐wise you are okay. You make up stories which help you cope; you start believing them… that it's not yours.

…”