“My Husband Thinks I’m Crazy”: COVID-19-Related Conflict in Couples with Young Children

Abstract

Objective: We examine how disruptions related to the COVID-19 pandemic are creating conflicts for couples with young children. Background: National polls suggest that COVID-19 has led to increased conflict for couples in the U.S. Although scholars have not examined the source of these new conflicts, pre-pandemic research suggests that pandemic-related disruptions may create conflicts around paid work and parenting, economic security, politics, and health decision-making. Method: This study uses the Pandemic Parenting Study, a mixed-methods study of Southern Indiana mothers, conducted April-May 2020, and involving surveys (N=139), diary entries (N=104), and in-depth interviews (N=65). We examine mothers’ reports of pandemic-related changes in their frustrations with their partners and how those changes vary with the disruptions couples have experienced during the pandemic. We then use qualitative data to understand how pandemic-related disruptions are generating conflicts for couples and what consequences those conflicts have.Results: A substantial minority of mothers (39%) report pandemic-related increases in their frustrations with their partners. These frustrations are particularly common among mothers whose partners are (reportedly) providing insufficient support with pandemic parenting or dismissing mothers’ concerns about COVID-19. Mothers blame themselves for these conflicts and feel responsible for reducing them, including by leaving the workforce, beginning use of antidepressants, or ignoring their own concerns about COVID-19.Conclusion: The pandemic has exacerbated longstanding sources of conflict (related to partners’ insufficient support with parenting) and created new sources of conflict (related to partners’ dismissals of mothers’ concerns about COVID-19), with serious implications for mothers, families, and public health.

The gendered pandemic: The implications of COVID‐19 for work and family

“…Future research is necessary to fully understand how unemployment shaped divisions of labor within different‐sex couples during the pandemic and whether findings from Calarco et al. (2020) are supported using nationally representative data.…”

“…In a study of mothers from Southern Indiana, Calarco et al. (2020) found that women with spouses who were between jobs or unemployed perceived a lack of spousal support for their careers. Mothers reported that their spouses, despite not being in paid employment, still relied on them to manage key parenting responsibilities during the pandemic.…”

“…As a result, the pandemic triggered unprecedented mass layoffs, caused unemployment rates to skyrocket, and at the same time, dramatically increased telecommuting (Bloom, 2020; Dias et al., 2020; U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2021a). Along with drastic changes in people's work lives, the pandemic also intensified demand for care work at home, particularly for parents with young or school‐aged children amidst daycare/school closures (Calarco et al., 2020; Carlson et al., 2020; Collins et al., 2021; Heggeness, 2020; Petts et al., 2021). Increased care demands compelled some parents to make significant adjustments to their paid and unpaid work routines (Collins et al., 2021; Petts et al., 2021).…”

How families matter for health inequality during the COVID‐19 pandemic

“…A survey found higher parenting‐related stress levels among parents who experienced more COVID‐19‐related stressors (Brown et al, 2020). Strain within intimate relationships could also be exacerbated by the presence of children, with parents at potential odds with each other regarding how much exposure poses a risk to children (Calarco et al, 2020). Spillover effects of couple‐level stress are also tied to parenting anxiety and stress during the pandemic (Brown et al, 2020).…”

“…Whereas some workplaces have shown flexibility in workplace demands, especially for parents of young children, others have not (Williams, 2020). As childcare facilities shut down because of the pandemic, employers who demand that their employees work full time from home expect that childcare duties can be given to—or at least shared with—a partner (Calarco et al, 2020).…”