Not too long ago we got the good news for a promotion to full Professor for Dr. Owens. . . .This [is a] collective achievement. . . .Of course, we know this didn't just happen because [of] the individual person, it was true collaborative work . . . so this, this is a celebration for our faculty group." -Dean at a Faculty Meeting Without fanfare, he just moved on to the next agenda item. After he moved on, I received a text from another colleague on the recorded Zoom meeting: "Am I reading too much into it or did he basically just say that you got promoted because of collaborations and not your own independent hard work?" This exchange, which occurred two days after I received the official notification of my promotion to full professor, catalyzed a shift for me. I became engulfed in a simultaneously painful yet numbing fog that lasted the entire fall semester. The scenario reminded me of an affirmation that I wrote soon after achieving tenure nearly a decade earlier. With it came the realization that tenure did not change much in terms of my treatment in my academic unit. My campus office walls are covered with encouraging and motivational words, many of which are mine. "You can't work yourself into the respect and regard of people who are determined to never respect or regard you." I revisited my own words as a necessary reminder of my reality. The daily fare included incivility, lack of collegiality, andthe expectation of extra uncompensated physical and emotional labor by faculty, staff, and students. Then, there was the gaslighting about said conditions. I persisted.But I'm a full professor now. So why was I hurt? Even with the daily reminder of my quote, apparently somewhere deep down, I thought that swimming the moat, surviving the