"Okay, I'm here, but I'm not talking!" Psychotherapy with the reluctant male.

Abstract

Many men land reluctantly on the therapist's doorstep, arriving at the insistence of a wife, a parent, a probation officer, or an employer. These men, like many others who are selfreferred, experience therapy as foreign terrain. The currency of psychotherapy is communication, exposure, vulnerability, and intimate sharing, currency which men who have been socialized in this culture have limited experience with. Given this situation, we may rightly ask whether conventional therapeutic interventions, historically developed for use with women, make the most sense? If not what we do so routinely every day, then what new interventions do make sense? This article will address these questions focusing on new ways to develop the alliance, formulate patient dynamics based on current ideas about the psychology of men, and design creative interventions that speak to men in their own currency. "Okay, I'm Here, but I'm Not Talking!" Psychotherapy with the Reluctant Male Lauren Bacall: (Watching Humphrey Bogait taking off his shoes) Here, I can do that.

Help‐Seeking and Counseling Within a Traditional Male Gender Role: An Examination From a Multicultural Perspective

“…The Competencies maintain that culturally skilled counselors are able to identify the role that gender, among other cultures, has played in personality formation. In his article on reluctant men, Shay (1996) encouraged professionals to be sociologists first by getting a clearer picture of male culture, then to become an anthropologist by immersing themselves in the world of the male. Serving "as an ambassador" from the world of counseling, professionals offer a gradual and safe invitation to counseling and therapy through communication and exposure (pp.…”

Unpacking the Tough Guise: Toward a Discursive Approach for Working with Men in Family Therapy

“…More men are seeking psychological help than previously (Betcher & Pollack, 1993;Freiberg & Sleek, 1999), and the necessity to address the therapeutic needs of male clients has become more salient (Brooks & Good, 2001;McCarthy & Holliday, 2004). For example, some have argued that therapy is too reliant on ''feminine'' modes of intervention which require verbal expressivity, vulnerability, and emotional awareness, all skills that are difficult for men to acquire in our society (Meth & Pasick, 1990), and that new therapies should be developed that are more congruent with ''masculine'' styles (Brooks & Good, 2001;Heesacker & Prichard, 1992;Shay, 1996;Wilcox & Forrest, 1992).…”

Nurses' Tending Instinct as a Conduit for Men's Access to Mental Health Counseling

“…Walter and Peller (1992) explained how when they employ solution-focused therapy, they fully expect and need their client to collaborate and cooperate. Shay (1996) called "alliance" a counseling essential. It was his belief that the counselor in this alliance, must have language that combats men's shame and humiliation.…”

“…They may fear that they will be pronounced as weak, incompetent, and a failure-almost the exact opposite of the attributes associated with current hegemonic masculinity (Connell, 2005). Shay (1996) advocated for counselors to validate the strengths of male clients even in light of poor choices or inappropriate behavior. He explained that many men demonstrate strength by a willingness to sacrifice personal needs and desires for the sake of familial provision, consequently being criticized for working too hard, long, and not making themselves socially accessible.…”