The development of predictive in vitro sensing tools able to provide rapid information on the different bioactivities of a sample is of pivotal importance, not only to monitor environmental toxicants, but also to understand their mechanisms of action on diverse molecular pathways. This mechanistic understanding is highly important for the characterization of toxicological hazards, and for the risk assessment of chemicals and environmental samples such as surface waters and effluents. Prompted by this need, we developed and optimized a straightforward bioluminescent multiplexed assay which enables the measurement of four bioactivities, selected for their relevance from a toxicological perspective, in bioluminescent microtissues. The assay was developed to monitor inflammatory, antioxidant, and toxic activity, and the presence of heavy metals, and was successfully applied to the analysis of river water samples, showing potential applicability for environmental analyses. The assay, which does not require advanced equipment, can be easily implemented in general laboratories equipped with basic cell culture facilities and a luminometer.