Reconciling an irreconcilable past: Sexuality, autoethnography, and reflecting on the stigmatization of the ‘unspoken’

Abstract

I demonstrate the ways in which constructions of knowledge about sexual violence metaphorically and symbolically transpose stigma onto me for researching a stigmatized topic. In every human interaction, we all run the risk of stigma. I was stigmatized for revealing my association with the topic of sexual violence. In this article, I detail certain encounters of running into this stigma, using autoethnography. Drawing on Sara Ahmed’s poetic writings in this piece, to name a problem as a problem is to become a problem; the problems I highlight in my life turn me into a problem. I provide some of the implications that developed from highlighting such problems, such as suffering disbelieving and hostile attitudes and responses, rape threats, and derogatory comments from the wider society. I offer suggestions for other gender and sexuality writers as to how to reduce or manage stigma from looming large, for to not do so, one could be susceptible to ongoing abuse, derogatory and degrading comments, and, in some cases, threats of – and actual – violence and abuse.

Living as Socially Marked Individuals: Two Stories on Stigma and Its Consequences

“…We elect to do so because such an autoethnographic design allows us to access and find ourselves in our surrounding cultures (Earle 2020; Wall 2006), something that MLT assumes to be essential in explaining stigmatization processes and stigma management. As such, it encourages us to move from the personal to the public, connecting ourselves, our social location, and our identities to the larger phenomena of living through stigmatization (Anderson 2006; Javaid 2020; Plummer 1995). We also utilize this technique considering previous scholarship about the methodological and theoretical significance of first-hand accounts.…”

Becoming a sexademic: Reflections on a ‘dirty’ research project

“…Beyond the professional pitfalls of sex research, it can also have significant personal consequences. While by no means exhaustive, these experiences include discrimination and online abuse (Javaid, 2020), invasive personal questioning following conference presentations (Fahs et al., 2017), experiencing stigma by contagion (Hammond and Kingston, 2014) and identity crises (Israel, 2002). In sum, the institutional, professional and personal challenges that sex and sexuality researchers endure throughout the research process cement sex research as a form of dirty work.…”

“…As researchers doing ‘dirty’ projects, it is not just the lives of our participants that are under scrutiny; we inevitably become implicated in the research ourselves (Jones, 2018). For some, this entanglement can result in extremely stigmatising and life-threatening experiences outside of fieldwork (Javaid, 2020), and discussions that examine the interaction between the research context and the researcher’s wider life are important (Hammond and Kingston, 2014). It is to the personal consequences of doing pornography research that I now turn.…”

“…Prior to researching pornography, I had conducted research and taught on sexual violence as a postgraduate student. Much like Javaid (2020) recounts in his powerful autoethnographic account of his experiences as a sexual violence researcher, assumptions were made by others about why I chose to pursue this line of research. Numerous people seemed to be obsessed with knowing whether ‘ it ’ had happened to me, as if they deserved to know my reasons for engaging in sexual violence research.…”

“…In other environments, such as bars, I told people I worked for the tax department, a role as far removed from pornography scholarship as possible. Javaid (2020) suggests that controlling the level of information that we, as researchers, allow others to know about us and our work is an important aspect of self-care. He writes thatwhen associated with sensitive research, inside and outside of fieldwork, it is helpful if not life saving to control the level of information that one circulates to another in the midst of social interaction.…”