Recovery from conflict and revival of intimacy in cohabiting couples

Abstract

Couples who seek a stable and satisfying relationship must recover emotionally and reestablish their intimate connection after their conflicts are over. In a 3-week diary study, 100 cohabiting couples reported on their daily moods, intimacy, relationship satisfaction, and conflicts. Results indicated that on days following a conflict, couple partners have worse mood, less satisfaction, and less self-disclosure than on other days. Attachment security and intimacy partially moderated the ability of relationship partners to recover positive and reduce negative affect on days following conflict. Partners of anxiously attached individuals experienced more pronounced postconflict changes in mood and intimacy than partners of securely attached individuals. More intimacy in postconflict interactions was associated with a faster recovery from conflict.How a couple recovers from conflict may be as important to the ongoing functioning of their relationship as their behavior during conflict.In order to sustain a high level of intimacy and satisfaction over many years and through many disagreements, a couple must be able to come back together after conflict and reestablish their intimate bond. Although much is known about the impact of couples' behavior during conflict, less is known about how couples reconcile following conflict. The purpose of this study is to investigate romantic couples' recoveries from conflict, and to determine (a) whether information about the short-term aftermath of conflict can help predict the well-being of individual partners and their relationship and (b) whether we can reliably identify characteristics of individuals or relationships to better predict which couples will experience negative effects of conflict beyond the day when the conflict occurs. It is our contention that couples who are able to recover and resume intimate relating soon after conflict are less likely to avoid conflict when it arises and, as a result, less likely to live with unresolved issues contaminating the relationship. Teaching couples how to recover once they have conflict may contribute as much to marital therapy success as does teaching them how 308

The dyadic construction of romantic conflict recovery sabotage

“…Consistent with prior evidence of links between attachment and conflict recovery (Prager et al, 2015; Salvatore et al, 2011), recovery sabotage was strongly associated with lower actor parental attachment avoidance and higher parental attachment anxiety. For highly anxious people, effective recovery appears to be rather difficult, perhaps reflecting the regulatory challenges associated with trying to contain emotional and behavioral responses to a potential relationship threat such as conflict (Feeney, 2004).…”

“…Nonetheless, this study extends prior evidence of links between infant attachment to caregivers and later recovery behavior in adult romantic relationships (Salvatore et al, 2011) and between adult self-reported attachment to romantic partners and the psychological experience of recovery (Prager et al, 2015). Links between attachment and conflict recovery have now been observed in three distinct samples, in different assessment periods (infant vs. adult attachment), using different measurement strategies (the Strange Situation Procedure vs. self-reported attachment style), and different attachment figures (parents vs. the current romantic partner).…”

“…Despite prior evidence that people whose partners had insecure romantic attachment fared worse in the aftermath of conflict (Prager et al, 2015), partner attachment to parents was not associated with actor recovery sabotage. Nonetheless, this study extends prior evidence of links between infant attachment to caregivers and later recovery behavior in adult romantic relationships (Salvatore et al, 2011) and between adult self-reported attachment to romantic partners and the psychological experience of recovery (Prager et al, 2015).…”

“…By contrast, avoidant individuals, who tend to defensively minimize negative experiences in close relationships (Mikulincer et al, 2003), may not show poor recovery and may even appear to recover well. To date, only Prager and colleagues (2015) have examined conflict recovery with respect to adult attachment anxiety and avoidance. More research is needed to build on these findings.…”

“…Whether partners regain their psychological footing after conflict may make the difference between a righted ship, a downward spiral, or preservation of a miserable status quo. Yet despite its potential importance, conflict recovery is understudied (Ha, Overbeek, Lichtwarck-Aschoff, & Engels, 2013; Prager, Shirvani, Poucher, Cavallin, Truong, & Garcia, 2015) and little is known about antecedents, concurrent correlates, and outcomes associated with effective versus poor conflict recovery.…”