Relationship and couples counseling.

Abstract

All couples desire companionship, intimacy, and love. Same-sex couples and heterosexual couples deal with similar issues, including balancing autonomy and intimacy, handling money decisions, dealing with in-laws, and balancing relationship and career responsibilities. However, there are several important differences between heterosexual couples and same-sex couples. Gender role socialization has a unique influence in relationships between two people of the same gender. In addition, the dominant culture is rejecting of same-sex relationships. As a result, the various overt and covert manifestations of homophobia and heterosexism figure prominently in the lives and relationships of gay men and lesbians. Nonetheless, in spite of numerous obstacles, lesbian women and gay men appear to have relationships that are as satisfying as those of their heterosexual counterparts (Kurdek, 1988, 199513;Peplau & Cochran, 1990).This chapter explores various dimensions of same-sex relationships, including commonalities with heterosexual relationships as well as unique Candace Galen and Laurie B. Mintz provided invaluable assistance throughout the preparation of rhis chapter. I would also like to thank Mandy Manderino for helpful comments on a draft.

Perceptions of and Experience With System Responses to Female Same-Sex Intimate Partner Violence

“…SMW as a group are experiencing discrimination and marginalization in today’s society, and individuals in this group may be exposed to a wide range of such experiences. For example, more than 50% of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender participants in one study reported some kind of sexual orientation-based discrimination (Ossana, 2000). This type of “cultural oppression” affects sexual minorities’ experiences with the systems that are supposed to provide services and support (Balsam & Szymanksi, 2005).…”

“…Homophobia within these systems exacerbates SMW’s sense of isolation; our study’s participants stressed that this homophobia caused them to feel marginalized because they were in a same-sex relationship. In turn, external homophobia can affect a woman’s experience of her own relationships if she internalizes these negative perceptions (Ossana, 2000), and her negative feelings can in turn be exacerbated by the experiences of IPV, The participants in our study spoke of their desire to keep quiet about the IPV for fear of reinforcing negative external stereotypes; this reticence may represent a realistic assessment of external homophobia but also could illustrate Balsam and Szymanski’s (2005) assertion that internalized homophobia is a stressor that significantly correlates with experiences of FSSIPV.…”

Similarities and Differences in Relational Boundaries among Heterosexuals, Gay Men, and Lesbians

“…Unfortunately, there is little empirical research addressing dyadic processes in lesbian couples and the existing literature, although conceptually rich, is often empirically thin. There are a number of empirically unexamined dyadic relational phenomena that are widely accepted as actualities based almost solely on convergence in anecdotal and clinical reports (Burch, 1997; Klinger, 1996; Kurdek, 1995; Ossana, 2000). One such dynamic is a lesbian propensity to maintain substantive contact with ex‐serious‐relationship partners (Bohan, 1996; Burch, 1997; Weinstock & Rothblum, 1996), referred to here as “post‐breakup connectedness.” A number of authors have described lesbian relationship endings in terms of an emphasis on transitioning the relationship toward friendship rather than imposing a firmly boundaried disconnection, and lesbian friendship networks are believed to characteristically include one to several ex‐lovers (Bohan, 1996; Goldstein & Horowitz, 2003; Scrivner & Eldridge, 1995; Stanley, 1996; Weinstock & Rothblum, 1996).…”

“…However, gender is not the only potentially relevant factor. Sexual orientation, specifically, the impact of homophobia and heterosexism on dyadic relating in same‐sex couples of both genders, has been found to be more influential than gender in shaping a number of relational dynamics (Brown, 1995; Ossana, 2000). To illustrate, gender has been shown to be more influential than sexual orientation in a number of studies documenting comparability between heterosexual and lesbian women (and differences from men) and between heterosexual and gay men (and differences from women) on a variety of relational dimensions (Bailey, Gaulin, Agyei, & Glaude, 1994; Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983; Peplau, 1991; Saghir & Robins, 1980).…”

“…Systems conceptualizations propose that the gay/lesbian subsystem defends against a largely homophobic and hostile social surround by rigidifying the boundaries around itself, and that this closure promotes connectedness within the subsystem (Bohan, 1996; Ossana, 2000). Lesbian merger, for example, has been conceptualized as a defense against families' and society's pejorative or illegitimizing responses whereby the rigidifying of the relationship's boundaries to buffer from the surround promotes fusion within the dyad (Burch, 1997; Krestan & Bepko, 1980).…”