Reminders of Heteronormativity: Gay Adoptive Fathers Navigating Uninvited Social Interactions

Abstract

Gay adoptive fathers and their children are becoming more visible in American society. Consequently, a deeper understanding is needed of the challenges and opportunities gay fathers experience in social interactions. Using a phenomenological approach, gay adoptive fathers from 20 families were interviewed about their experiences parenting as gay men. Although fathers led fulfilling lives as parents, many of them faced uninvited social interactions that reminded them of their place in a heterosexual order. These reminders of heteronormativity included scrutiny about their parenting, concerns about the well‐being of their children, and decisions regarding disclosing information about their families. This article illustrates the use of a social constructionist lens to understand the emotional burdens gay adoptive fathers carry navigating these interactions in public settings. By narrowing the focus on such encounters, this article attunes practitioners and educators to gay fathers' emotional worlds while deepening their understanding of the social fabric of heteronormativity.

Barriers and Stigma Experienced by Gay Fathers and Their Children

“…16 Gay fathers have to contend with the still-prevalent belief that children need a mother to thrive and stereotypes associated with gay men as frivolous, unstable, and unfit parents. 15 A recent study revealed that although gay fathers did not differ from heterosexual fathers in the strength and quality of their relationships, feelings of rejection and having to justify themselves as parents affected fathers' feelings of competence as parents. 17 Moreover, children with gay fathers must learn to cope with the pressure of being different from their peers in both their biologic origins and family structure.…”

“…Nevertheless, gay men report suspicion and criticism for their decision to be parents from gay friends who have not chosen parenthood, barriers in the adoption process, and isolation in their parental role. 14,15 Gay men who became parents while in a heterosexual relationship may face difficulties maintaining custody or obtaining legal parenting rights for a new spouse. 14 Adoption and surrogacy options are also limited by their high cost.…”

Gay Fathers on the Margins: Race, Class, Marital Status, and Pathway to Parenthood

“…More than 20% of gay male couples currently are raising children in the United States (Williams Institute, ), and an expanding body of literature has documented the challenges gay fathers experience. Becoming parents through adoption or surrogacy can be emotionally, financially, and logistically arduous (Gamson, ; Goldberg, ; Lewin, ), and heteronormativity can shape gay fathers' interactions in public spaces (Vinjamuri, ). Researchers also have documented gay fathers' fight for relationship recognition (Dana, ; Prendergast & MacPhee, ; Ocobock, ) and their interactions with social institutions, such as their children's schools and health care providers (Goldberg, ; Mallon, ).…”

Watching six-packs, chilling together, spreading rumours: enacting heteronormativity through secondary school friendships and teaching practices

“…This heteronormative structure silences or disparages queer sexualities (Ryan 2016) and is seen as in need of being 'tackled' (Sauntson and Simpson 2011). Furthermore, heteronormativity has been described as an implicit moral framework (Vinjamuri 2015), or an ideology (Yep 2002), that 'hurts everyone' (Knight et al 2013). Paradoxically, despite its constructionist roots, the concept is thus increasingly presented in a realist framework in which schools are heteronormative spaces: this fact has become a starting point of analysis and research.…”