ObjectiveEvaluate utility of postoperative phosphate and calcium/phosphate ratio (Ca/P) as surrogates for parathyroid hormone (PTH) following total thyroidectomy.Study DesignRetrospective cohort study.SettingTertiary care hospital.MethodsWe retrospectively reviewed patients 18 years or older who underwent total thyroidectomy in a tertiary care hospital by a single surgeon from 2015 through 2021. Patients with incomplete data, pre‐existing hypoparathyroidism, vitamin D deficiency, or renal failure were excluded. All patients had PTH drawn within 4 hours of surgery and serum calcium, albumin, and phosphate levels on postoperative Day 1. Corrected calcium was used to calculate a Ca/P. Receiver operating characteristic (ROC) curves were generated to compare phosphate level or Ca/P with PTH. Each possible surrogate was assessed relative to PTH cutoffs of less than 5, 10, 15, and 20 pg/mL. A good screening test was defined as having an area under the curve (AUC) greater than 0.8.ResultsA total of 185 patients underwent total thyroidectomy with 1 fellowship‐trained otolaryngologist. Most patients were female (62%), median age 48 years. Most surgeries were performed for cancer (68%). Six (3.2%) patients required IV calcium supplementation and 2 (1.1%) required readmission for symptomatic hypocalcemia. ROC curves comparing phosphate and Ca/P to PTH at the listed cutoffs demonstrated AUC ranging from 0.55 to 0.66 and 0.61 to 0.79, respectively. None met the threshold for a good screening test.ConclusionPostoperative phosphate and Ca/P ratio are not surrogates for PTH levels following total thyroidectomy. More research is needed to identify cost‐effective strategies for postoperative calcium monitoring in patients undergoing total thyroidectomy.Level of evidenceRetrospective cohort study.