Despite the United States being the only country in the world that places its former and incoming leader on a stage for millions to see, with the “Peaceful Transition of Power” being the very symbol of American democracy watched around the world, the events on January 6th, 2021, show how such performances of democratic culture are not permanent fixtures. Indeed, whereas US and foreign audiences have become accustomed to watching anti-government protests in illiberal states or underdeveloped democracies, the scenes of thousands of protestors storming the US Capitol has opened the United States itself for critique from the very nations it has admonished in the past. Thus, although the protest paradigm has become the dominant framework for understanding mediated portrayals of anti-government protests, this study argues it provides only partial insight into the January 6th insurrection, eschewing the larger strategic dimensions of non-democratic countries’ media coverage of the event. Rather than focusing on how media framed the event, this study examined 525 news articles from 26 Chinese, Russian, Iranian, and Saudi media outlets’ reporting on the event from January 5th to January 19th through the lens of strategic media narratives. Results show that while elements of the protest paradigm are present in all four countries’ reporting—providing clear condemnation of the event and its participants, with blame placed on President Trump for instigating the attack—two additional overarching plotlines emerge: one shifting the scene away from President Trump to America’s broader polarized politics and failed governance and a second concluding the end of US exceptionalism and characterizations of US hypocrisy. Taken together, these two overarching narratives highlight the significance of storytelling as a potent form of geopolitical contestation in today’s global media environment.