Mode-selective excitation of adsorbates by shaped infrared laser pulses is investigated here theoretically, for the example of a H atom on a hydrogen-covered Si͑100͒-2 ϫ 1 surface. The mode-selective excitation is perturbed by the intermode coupling within the system ͑bending and stretching modes͒ and by system-bath coupling to substrate phonons. Using a force-field based model, vibration-phonon coupling was found and predicted to lead to vibrational relaxation of the H-Si stretching mode on a ns timescale, and of the Si-Si-H bending mode on a ps timescale ͓I. Andrianov and P. Saalfrank, J. Chem. Phys. 124, 034710 ͑2006͔͒. To address the question as to whether in such a dissipative situation mode-selective control of adsorbate vibrational dynamics is still possible, a system-bath ansatz is used to derive an open-system density matrix theory in which the H vibrations are driven either by sin 2 , or by freely optimized infrared ps laser pulses. Both for the Si-H stretching and Si-Si-H bending vibrations mode-selective excitation is predicted to be possible. It is also found that the Markov approximation works well in most of the applications, and that simple sin 2 are nearly as effective as pulses which were freely optimized by optimal control theory.