We consider the scattering of probe particles on an ultra-boosted beam of charge, in the case that the fields of the beam are strong and must be treated non-perturbatively. We show that the fields of the ultra-boosted beam act as stochastic plane waves -scattering amplitudes (of elastic scattering, nonlinear Compton and nonlinear Breit-Wheeler) are obtained without approximation by averaging plane wave scattering amplitudes over all possible plane wave parameters. The relevant plane waves are ultra-short and, as such, scattering on ultra-boosted beams does not exhibit the conjectured strong-field behaviour of QED based on the locally constant field approximation.