Symbiosexuality: A Review of Discourses of Attraction to the “Third Force” Created by People in Relationships

Abstract

Symbiosexuality, the individual experience of attraction to people in relationships, has not been examined as a lived experience. Lack of recognition and examination of symbiosexuality is surprising when one considers studies of romantic and sexual desires and behaviors associated with more than two people. Also evident in the existence of the sexual identity label known as the unicorn and easily found in essays, memoirs, and dating apps, this attraction proves salient. Further, we find evidence of symbiosexuality outside Western discourses on desire and sexuality. Dominant conceptions and assumptions about sexuality and desire including mononormativity, respectability politics within polyamorous communities, and current conceptions of desire within western discourse contribute to symbiosexual invisibility. This invisibility harms several sexual minority groups, especially women and gender minorities within these groups. The purpose of this review is to describe and provide evidence of the phenomenon of symbiosexuality. Through a queer-feminist lens, I argue that recognition of symbiosexuality will fill a knowledge gap in the field of sexuality studies on the nature and shape of human sexual attractions and may be validating and/or empowering to those experiencing these types of attractions.

Symbiosexual Attraction: An Integrated Mixed-Methods Study

“…In sum, interviewees who were attracted to couples were notably attracted to the intricate layers and nuances that emerge when two individuals come together, forming a relationship that is more the sum of its parts. Their descriptions echo the findings in my examination of discourse surrounding attraction to relationships (Johnston, 2023 ). There is a common thread of attraction to a “third force” that surpasses the mere combination of two individuals.…”

“…What if a person’s primary attractions are not oriented toward individuals? A recent review of cultural and academic discourse presented evidence that some people experience attraction to preexisting relationships between two (or more) people (Johnston, 2023 ). This phenomenon, symbiosexuality, a term first coined and described in a poster presentation at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality conference, is defined as “the individual experience of sexual and/or romantic attraction to people in relationships” (Johnston & Schoenfeld, 2021 , para.…”

“…In my recent review, I found evidence of symbiosexuality in essays, memoirs, dating apps, discourses on the sexual identity label known as the unicorn, as well as outside Western discourses on desire and sexuality including ancient Middle Eastern texts and Indigenous narratives (Johnston, 2023 ). Despite compelling evidence of its existence, attraction to the relationships between people, as a phenomenon, remains largely uninvestigated.…”

“…These are two distinct phenomena. In making my case for the existence of the phenomenon of symbiosexuality (Johnston, 2023 ), I include a quote from essay in Vanity Fair from a person who self identifies as a unicorn, I’m not sure if Aristotle was a unicorn, but the whole is definitely greater than the sum of a couple’s parts. A unicorn not only dates the individuals, but also dates the relationship.…”

“…Based on my review of discourse on attraction to people in relationships (Johnston, 2023 ) and my study of unicorn identity in an online polyamorous community (Johnston, 2024 ), I hypothesized that:…”