Telling the story: parents' scripts for donor offspring*

Abstract

This study documents experiences of parents who chose to disclose, and intended to disclose to their children, information about the donor involvement, and children's responses when they received this information. Of the 181 parents who responded, 30% (n ⍧ 54) gave their children information about their conception (34 families). Couples chose to tell when 'it just seemed right' or when they believed their children could understand their stories. The stories shared concerned the parents' inability to have children together, and the need for spermatozoa and specialist attention, and the families reading a book about donor insemination. There appeared to be an advantage in giving children this information at a young age, at which the information was processed in a factual, non-emotional way. Any questions asked by the children related to practical issues. These parents reported that it gave them opportunities gradually to introduce information as the children's understanding progressed. Of the parents who had not told (n ⍧ 127), 77% (n ⍧ 98) intended to disclose information in the future. This group gave their child's age and inability to understand as their main reasons for choosing to wait. Some 17% (n ⍧ 22) of parents who had not told chose not to disclose. There were no significant differences between the responses of mothers and fathers.

Socioemotional Development in Changing Families

“…Contrary to parents' concerns, it appears that children who are told about their donor conception in their preschool years respond neutrally, or with curiosity rather than distress (Blake, Casey, Readings, Jadva, & Golombok, 2010;Mac Dougall, Becker, Scheib, & Nachtigall, 2007;Rumball & Adair, 1999). However, they appear to have little understanding of egg or sperm donation by Age 7 (Blake et al, 2010), the age by which most adopted children understand what it means to be adopted (Brodzinsky & Pinderhughes, 2002).…”

Strategies for disclosure: how parents approach telling their children that they were conceived with donor gametes

“…Although past research has shown that the majority of parents who conceived with DI elected not to disclose these facts to their children (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)(8)(9)(10), some authors maintain that there may be an increasing trend for parents to favor disclosure (11)(12)(13)(14), a stance recently supported in guidelines encouraging disclosure published by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine's Ethics Committee (15). While considerable research has addressed parents' motivations for disclosing or not disclosing their use of donor gametes to offspring (1,3,7,10,14,(16)(17)(18)(19), with few exceptions (7,(18)(19)(20), there has been little exploration of the manner in which parents actually envision and enact disclosure.…”

Conceptualising a Child-Centric Paradigm

“…Yet studies (Golombok et al 2002, 966;Broderick and Walker 2001, 34;Brewaeys et al 1997Brewaeys et al , 1593Rumball andAdair 1999, 1395;Lycett et al 2005, 813) reveal that the majority of parents are unwilling to disclose and prefer to keep the secret. Non-disclosure is typically coupled by a belief that the child does not need to know and that keeping the secret protects the child (Murray and Golombok 2003, 93).…”