Critical scholars have long called for state recognition of de facto families, beyond legal or biological ties. This article explores what such recognition might look like, in the context of a restrictive immigration regime where families need state permission to live together. Based on an analysis of laws and regulations, work instructions of street level implementers, and interviews with migration lawyers, this paper sets out to explore what conceptions of family are mobilized in migration law practice in the Netherlands. It finds that while the conception of family as fixed and nuclear is dominant, conceptions of family-as-doing which focus on practices of dependency and care do play a significant role in Dutch migration law, enabling recognition of families beyond the nuclear model. However, we find that recognition of de facto families may lead to new forms of state scrutiny of intimate lives, as well as to new forms of exclusion.