The Battleground of Everyday Life: Balancing Motherhood and Career as a Danish Soldier's Partner

Abstract

Based on ethnographic fieldwork among Danish soldiers and their families, this article focuses on soldiers’ partners’ experiences of military deployment. The aim is to provide an understanding of the social consequences of deployment that goes beyond the scope of a specific military culture and into the intimate world of family relations. The article argues that examining the effects of military deployment on the homefront requires attention to the local and social context in which soldiers’ families live their everyday lives. In a Danish context, military deployment not only disrupts normal routines of everyday family life but causes an imbalance in the ‘moral economy of home’. From the perspective of soldiers’ partners, deployment challenges ideals of equal opportunity among partners outside the domestic sphere of home by preventing the women from pursuing their own careers and social engagements. Moreover, the absence of a parent challenges ideals of parenthood as a shared responsibility belonging to both parents, and consequently places the women in a precarious situation, where they continuously struggle to balance their time and social roles in and outside the home.

Homecoming as a Gendered Practice in Danish Military Families

“…Sørensen (2013) showed how deployment changes not only the lives of the soldiers but also the everyday lives and social relations of their families and the perception of the military families in terms of the public. Heiselberg (2018a) revealed dilemmas in how Danish military families persistently negotiate the ideals of “a good family life” with the conditions of military deployment, for instance, when soldier fathers create relational spaces (e.g., via digital media) and alternative narratives of “good” fatherhood by challenging expectations related to the physically present father. However, the creation of relational spaces is also closely connected to the processes of the militarisation of the home front, for instance, when military symbols are integrated into the soldiers’ families in their attempts to stay emotionally connected during deployment (Heiselberg, 2017, p. 75).…”

“…However, with contemporary social norms of gender equality—women’s equal right to pursue a career, shared responsibility in family life, etc.—the conflict between the family and the military is only becoming tenser (De Angelis & Segal, 2015). The absence of a military parent during deployment, remote training, and so on challenges ideals of shared responsibility and, thus, causes imbalances in “the moral economy of the home” (Heiselberg, 2018a, pp. 84, 90).…”

Krigens betydning for parforholdet – hvordan veteraners efterreaktioner på udsendelse udfordrer intimitet og kommunikation blandt militære par

“…Danske undersøgelser har desuden påvist, hvordan militaere udsendelser i høj grad påvirker den partner, der bliver i Danmark, både i forhold til lavpraktiske opgaver og roller, men også i forhold til karriere og identitet. At vende til-bage til et "almindeligt familieliv" er således en stor omvaeltning for både veteran og partner og kan vaere forbundet med udfordringer for parforhold og familieliv (se fx Heiselberg, 2018;Sørensen, 2005).…”

“…Soldaten har måske følt sig lidt overflødig" (Andreasen, 2012, p. 16). Heiselberg (2018) beskriver desuden, hvordan kvindelige partnere til udsendte danske soldater kan opleve at måtte saette personlige mål (fx karriere eller fritidsinteresser) i baggrunden i tiden under udsendelsen for at få enderne til at mødes på hjemmefronten. Man kan forestille sig, at dette kan føre til en forventning om, at partnerens personlige mål skal prioriteres højere efter soldatens hjemkomst, da udsendelsen kan forstås som en faelles prioritering af soldatens personlige mål for sin karriere over part-nerens karriere eller over familiens mål om faellesskab.…”

Complex spaces of involvement during and after paternal deployment: Danish children’s emotions and relationships with their fathers

“…Previous research on partners of deployed soldiers and veterans suggests that having a deployed partner alters the ideals of a good family life, moral statuses, emotions and relationships (Allen et al, 2011; Andres, 2010; Andres et al, 2012; Heiselberg, 2018a), with implications for children. A growing body of research on the impact of parental deployment, particularly paternal, has documented a variety of negative outcomes for children, including emotional symptoms, conduct problems, hyperactivity, peer problems, poor academic performance and family stress (e.g., Blamey et al, 2019; Engel et al, 2010; Frederiksen et al, 2021; Lester et al, 2010; McGuire et al, 2016; Pfefferbaum et al, 2012; Richardson et al, 2011).…”