The bittersweet taste of sacrifice: Consequences for ambivalence and mixed reactions.

Abstract

People in close relationships often need to sacrifice their own preferences and goals for the partner or the relationship. But what are the consequences of such sacrifices for relationship partners? In this work we provide a systematic investigation of the consequences of sacrifice in romantic relationships, both for the person who gives up their goals as well as for the recipient of these benefits. In 5 studies combining experience sampling and experimental methods, we examined whether performing and receiving sacrifices is linked to the experience of ambivalence, that is, mixed feelings toward a partner. In the last 3 studies, we also examined the specific positive and negative reactions associated with sacrifice. Results revealed that performing and receiving sacrifices are both linked to ambivalence toward a romantic partner. Recipients of sacrifices experienced higher negative mood, guilt, and feelings of indebtedness, but these were accompanied by higher positive mood, gratitude, and feeling appreciated by the partner. Sacrificers mostly experienced negative reactions, such as higher negative mood, frustration, and feelings of exploitation, but they also reported some positive reactions, such as feeling happy from benefitting their partner, proud of themselves for being a good partner, and had increased expectations that their partner would reciprocate the sacrifice in the future. In sum, this work provides the first comprehensive study of the emotional reactions that are triggered by sacrifice and shows that sacrifice is a double-edged sword with both positive and negative consequences. Implications for sacrifice and ambivalence are discussed.

Benefits of being ambivalent: The relationship between trait ambivalence and attribution biases

“…Ambivalence is at the heart of many topics that people care deeply about. For instance, people can feel ambivalent about their romantic partner (Righetti et al ., 2020), their parents (Luescher & Pillemer, 1998; Maio et al ., 2000), vegetarianism (Povey et al ., 2001), abortion (Alvarez & Brehm, 1995; Schneider et al ., 2015), college graduation (Larsen et al ., 2001), marriage (Signorielli, 1991), exercise and food choices (Gillebaart et al ., 2016; Sparks et al ., 2004), and organ donation (Nohlen et al ., 2014), and.…”

Lightening the load: Perceived partner responsiveness fosters more positive appraisals of relational sacrifices.

“…Indeed, people tend to see their partner as less responsive when conflicts of interests occur (Vowels & Carnelley, 2021). Moreover, recipients of sacrifice tend to feel grateful, but at the same time also feel burdened with guilt and indebtedness (Righetti, Schneider, et al, 2020). Such negative and ambivalent feelings may prevent them from expressing their positive reactions such as appreciation, and may detract from a focus on what the sacrificer needs.…”

“…Relatedly, individuals may differ in adopting a communal orientation, in which they are motivated to attend to their partner's needs and sacrifice for them, versus an exchange orientation, in which they expect benefits to be exchanged in a tit-for-tat fashion (Clark & Mills, 2012), and these mindsets may also fluctuate over time. Observing a partner's responsiveness may instill a communal orientation, rather than an exchange orientation that is typically elicited when making a sacrifice-at least in Western cultures (Righetti, Schneider, et al, 2020). Future work could also make further strides in supporting the causal role of PPR in shaping sacrifice appraisals.…”

“…Additionally, perceiving a partner as highly responsive may also help people appraise sacrifices more favorably because of a reduction in negative feelings toward the partner. When people resolve conflicts of interests by sacrificing their own goals and needs for their partner, they experience greater negative mood and increased negative feelings toward their partner, such as resentment and frustration—as the partner obstructs their goals—as well as feel exploited by their partner, all of which negatively color people’s experience of sacrifice (Righetti, Schneider, et al, 2020).…”

Taking Stock of Reality: Biased Perceptions of the Costs of Romantic Partners’ Sacrifices

“…Such situations are common in couples' everyday interactions (Righetti et al, 2016); and although sacrifices can benefit the relationship, they are inherently costly for the partner making the sacrifice (Righetti & Impett, 2017). Indeed, sacrifices evoke both positive and negative affect, in the sacrificer and recipient (Righetti et al, 2019). Thus, there may be ambiguity about the extent to which a sacrifice is beneficial or costly for the person who sacrifices, which may create room for varying interpretations of the costs and benefits of sacrifice.…”