The Counseling Experiences of Individuals Who Are Estranged From a Family Member

Abstract

Objective For the first time, this study explored the counseling experiences of individuals estranged from a family member and the ways in which therapy was helpful, unhelpful, or both. Background Family relationships are often assumed to be permanent. However, family members both can and do become estranged from one another, which can be a challenging experience, leading to feelings of sadness and loss and experiences or perceptions of stigma. Method Findings are presented from an online survey of individuals who are estranged from one or more family members and had sought support from the charity Stand Alone. Open‐text responses were thematically analyzed from 209 respondents, 133 of whom elaborated on counseling experiences that had been helpful and 107 of whom described counseling experiences that had been unhelpful. Results Helpful encounters with therapy were those in which respondents felt supported to make their own decisions about their family relationships, developed insight and understanding through working with professionals who were knowledgeable about estrangement, and moved forward in their lives. Conclusion Therapy that is delivered by professionals who offer nondirective support (rather than suggesting that clients act or feel a certain way) and who are knowledgeable about estrangement will be of the greatest help and utility to individuals estranged from a family member. Implications Commissioning bodies who offer support to estranged individuals need to ensure that counselors are knowledgeable about estrangement and that training on this issue is included in ongoing career professional development.

Thematic Co-occurrence Analysis: Advancing a Theory and Qualitative Method to Illuminate Ambivalent Experiences

“…According to Scharp (2019), family estrangement occurs when at least one member voluntarily and intentionally distances themselves from another member because of an often ongoing (perceived) negative relationship. Although it is possible that Thematic Co-occurrence Analysis family estrangement is as common as divorce in some segments of U.S. society (Conti, 2015), scholars around the world are only beginning to explore family distancing (e.g., Agllias, 2011;Blake, Bland, & Imrie, 2020;Scharp & Dorrance Hall, 2019). This turn toward understanding family distancing is important considering parents and children in the estrangement process face stigma (Rittenour et al, 2018), chronic uncertainty (Scharp & McLaren, 2018), and ambiguous loss (see discussion below; Agllias, 2011), in addition to having to cope with the initial reasons they desired distance in the first place (see Carr et al, 2015).…”

Attachment security, divorce, parental estrangement, and reconciliation

“…Clinical descriptions have identified two types of disruptions in family relationships that are salient in families experiencing child-parent estrangement: (a) a categorical change in marital status through divorce and remarriage of the parents and (b) a breakdown in the quality of relationships between parental partners and between each parent and the child (Blake et al, 2020). The relationships in estranged families have been described in terms used by theorists to characterize insecure attachments that fail to provide either a safe haven in times of distress, or a secure base that encourages exploration (Hazan & Shaver, 1992).…”

“…Although the pain of estrangement is based in part on the perception that the relationship separation will be permanent, in some families the rupture is resolved and reconciliation is possible. Clinical accounts suggest that even when the breach involves complete absence of contact, the attachment bonds between the generations are still operating; the adult child continues to long for parental support or feel angry at the lack of support (Blake et al, 2020). To our knowledge, there are no empirical studies of the possibility that attachment processes play a role in whether relationship reconciliation is achieved.…”

Leveraging implementation science to reduce inequities in Children’s mental health care: highlights from a multidisciplinary international colloquium

“…Dr. Blake summarized findings from a qualitative analysis of individuals experiences of receiving counselling for family estrangement [49]. Those who worked with counsellors who were supportive of respondents' decisions and feelings and did not feel pushed to think, feel or act in a certain way (e.g., to forgive family members, or to initiate estrangement) were reported to be the most helpful encounters.…”