The Endurance of Love: Passionate and Companionate Love in Newlywed and Long-Term Marriages

Abstract

Most theorists assume that the passage of time will have a very different impact on passionate versus companionate love. Passionate love is said to decline fairly quickly, while companionate love is thought to remain fairly stable (or actually increase) over time.This hypothesis was tested in two studies. In Study 1, we interviewed 53 newlywed couples soon after their marriages and again one year later, when presumably (for some) the "honeymoon was over." In Study 2, we interviewed a random sample of 240 older women, ranging in age from 50-82, who had been married varying lengths of time. (The median length of marriage was 33 years.) We asked about their passionate and companionate love for their partners and their partner's love for them.In Study 1, it was found that although newlywed men and women loved with equal passion, women tended to love their partners more companionately than they were loved in return. (This is in accord with previous research with dating couples.) The results for people married many years were more complex.Finally, we turned to the question with which we are most concerned: What impact does time have on love? In both Study 1 and Study 2, time did have a corrosive effect on lovebut to our surprise it appeared to have an equally detrimental effect on both passionate and companionate love. In almost all cultures, people distinguish between passionate and companionate love (Fehr, 1988;Fischer, Shaver, & Carnochan, 1990; Hatfield, Rapson, & Martel, 2007). KeywordsPassionate love (sometimes called "romantic love," "obsessive love," "infatuation," "lovesickness," or "being-in-love") is a powerful emotional state. It has been defined as:A state of intense longing for union with another. Passionate love is a complex functional whole including appraisals or appreciations, subjective feelings, expressions, patterned physiological processes, action tendencies, and instrumental behaviors. Reciprocated love (union with the other) is associated with fulfillment and ecstasy. Unrequited love (separation) is associated with feelings of emptiness, anxiety, and despair (Hatfield & Rapson, 1993, p. 5).Companionate love is a far less intense emotion. It combines feelings of attachment, commitment, and intimacy. It has been defined as: "The affection and tenderness we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined" (Hatfield & Rapson, 1993, p. 9).Scholars have argued that when ordinary people are asked what they mean by "love" they seem to distinguish "being in love" from "loving" (Myers & Berscheid, 1997).Passionate love is generally associated with passion, sexual desire, excitement, and a variety of other intense emotions-such as yearning, jealousy, anxiety, and so forth (see Aron, Fisher, and Strong, 2006;Sternberg, 1997). Companionate love is typified by attachment, trust, intimacy, closeness, and commitment Fehr, 1988;Hendrick & Hendrick, 1989;Mikulincer & Goodman, 2006; Sternberg & Weis, 2007). (For a comprehensive summary of the nature of love, see Aron, Fisher, & Strong, 2006;Sternbe...

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