The Pain and Pride of ‘Angel Mothers’: Disappointments and Desires Around Reproductive Loss in Romania

Abstract

In this article, I highlight how Romanian women make sense of the losses of pregnancies and babies. Based on 15 months of fieldwork in a Transylvanian town, and on interviews with and observations among 'angel mothers' (women who have lost unborn or live-born children) in the Romanian capital Bucharest, I discuss the disappointments and desires that surface when reproduction goes awry. The criticisms of these 'angel mothers' throw into sharp relief wider disappointments with biomedical, political, and religious establishments, and continuing social struggles in postcommunist Romania. Although women's personal predicaments are thus deeply connected to broader structural shortcomings, their coping strategies are highly intimate and nonpolitical. Women focus on creating a spiritual bond between themselves and their lost babies-one that transcends the hardships of earthly life and makes women proud to be the mothers of little angels.

“Soothing My Child's Soul and My Own”: Dealing with Pregnancy Loss in Postcommunist Romania

“…As a consequence, most fetuses that are born without any signs of life are sent for laboratory investigations and incinerated afterwards, rather than shown or given back to the parents . Not even the paperwork received upon discharge acknowledges their previous existence: for an avorton lost before twenty‐eight weeks of gestation, documentation is mostly lacking; a death certificate for a fetus stillborn after twenty‐eight weeks of gestation does not include the first name of the baby or any other identifier (Van der Sijpt ). Being informally referred to as “aborted ones” ( avortoni ), they are not only dehumanized, but also shrouded in silence and ambiguity from the very moment of their expulsion.…”

“…In my study, a considerable number of people were skeptical of the Orthodox dogma and practices—sometimes as a direct result of some negative experiences after pregnancy loss. Especially “parents of angels” who adopted a critical stance in relation to the general societal silence and suspicion around loss explicitly distanced themselves from the Church (Van der Sijpt ). Yet, both adherents and nonadherents did seem to find relief in an important Orthodox postmortem ritual that allowed them to commemorate their lost fetuses—even if the ritual was originally not meant for unbaptized babies at all.…”

“…Those who were connected to Organizaţia EVA often claimed that this soul would turn into a little “angel” once in Heaven . As angels, the deceased children‐to‐be would remain connected to the earthly realm; stories about continued postmortem relationships with, and unambiguous signs from, these departed embryos and fetuses were omnipresent and widely accepted, both in the self‐help groups and on the online forum of the organization (Van der Sijpt ). In the light of such representations—portraying the lost little ones as “souls” or even “angels” who live on in the afterworld—the desire to organize pomeni felt completely natural to these mothers.…”

“…Although a legal provision stipulates that stillborn babies can be taken home (order 359/2012), the procedure for doing so is often unknown or experienced as cumbersome by bereaved parents. Consequently, those who have been able to see and bury their dead fetuses are few and far between (Van der Sijpt ).…”

“…Some of my interviewees—both members and nonmembers of Organizaţia EVA —have attributed the increasing use of the notion of “angel” for deceased embryos and fetuses to the work done by the members of the NGO—even if, in Romanian, it was probably not uncommon to refer to dead children as angels before 2008 as well (Van der Sijpt ).…”