Torn: Social Expectations Concerning Forgiveness Among Women Who Have Experienced Intrafamilial Child Sexual Abuse

Abstract

The authors examine how women who experienced intrafamilial child sexual abuse (IFCSA) perceive social expectations of society toward forgiveness, how they incorporate IFCSA and reconstruct their life stories in relation to these expectations, and the costs and gains from such reconstructions. This is part of a larger study on the phenomenology of forgiveness for IFCSA among grown women. Twenty Jewish Israeli women who had experienced IFCSA were interviewed in depth. Interviews were tape-recorded and transcribed verbatim. Data analyses lead to four types of social expectations: forgiveness by forgetting, avenging, family preservation through forgiveness, and satisfying the voyeuristic needs of society, which has limited interest in forgiveness. These contradictory expectations are discussed in light of the cultural context and the experience of the women interviewed. Implications for practice are suggested.

Revenge Fantasies After Experiencing Traumatic Events: Sex Differences

“…First, the study points to the significance of feelings of injustice as an internal mechanism for evoking a desire for revenge and associated fantasies, which may endow the victim with a sense of control after the trauma. Although the natural tendency to seek revenge and revenge fantasies tend to be regarded in the literature as a negative component while the concept of forgiveness is seen as a positive step towards healing (Hargrave and Anderson, 2013; Tener and Eisikovits, 2017) along with the conversion of anger and resentment toward the perpetrator or the self into positive feelings such as compassion and empathy (McCullough et al., 2013), when practitioners develop intervention programs for individuals, who have experienced various traumatic events they may benefit by viewing the role of feelings of injustice, the desire for revenge and fantasies of revenge as necessary ingredients for healing prior to forgiveness.…”

“I Love and Hate Him in the Same Breath”: Relationships of Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse With Their Perpetrating Siblings

“…Terminating a family relationship is considered an extreme step, and the social expectation is to attempt to restore severed relationships. For example, a study on Israeli women survivors of intrafamilial sexual abuse reveals that some of them felt they were expected to preserve family relations under any circumstances as “blood is thicker than water” (Tener & Eisikovits, 2017). Such a cultural context can contribute to the inability to disconnect from the perpetrator.…”

Adult Disclosure of Child Sexual Abuse

“…On one hand, there may be an expectation that adult survivors will “turn their childhood perpetrator in,” since sex offenders pose a source of fear and anxiety in society (Levenson, Brannon, Fortney, & Baker, 2007). On the other hand, the phenomenon of sexual abuse is so threatening that society might reject a person who reveals his or her story publicly or society might use stereotypes in order to encapsulate it from daily life (Tener & Eisikovits, in press). Accordingly, several studies indicated that survivors of sexual abuse tend to feel more comfortable when their abuse fits the stereotype of kidnapping and sustaining serious injury (Wolitzky-Taylor et al, 2011), neither of which are typical experiences for those reporting CSA (Salter, 2013).…”