A novel thermal digester for converting food waste (FW) into nutrient-rich soil conditioner was designed and explored. The process variables, that is, temperature, the volume of the digestion chamber and the rotational speed of the digester were optimised using response surface methodology (RSM). The study revealed that the digester temperature of 150°C and rotational speed of 40 RPM required minimum time (180 minutes) for attaining the equilibrium moisture with a minimum energy consumption of 0.218 kWh kg−1. The process resulted in 80 ± 2.5% reduction in total volume of the FW. Detailed characterisation revealed that the end product was comparable to the organic fertiliser as per the Fertiliser Association of India norms. The digestion helps in breakdown of cellulose content of FW into hemicellulose which supports formation of primary and secondary walls, seed storage carbohydrates, and facilitates plant growth. 1H-Nuclear magnetic resonance (1H-NMR) spectra of the end product revealed mineralisation of organics during digestion. Decrease in ultraviolet (UV) absorbance value at 280 nm also revealed the humification of the end product. X-ray diffraction (XRD) analysis disclosed extremely low crystallinity and non-recalcitrant nature of the end product. A low humification index value (HI-3.43), high fertilising index (FI-4.8), and clean index (CI-5.0) revealed that the end product could safely be utilised as an organic fertiliser. The cost–benefit analysis revealed that thermal digestion technique is profitable and economically viable with benefit–cost ratio (BCR) of 1.35. The study offers a unique approach for the rapid and hassle-free production of value-added soil conditioner from FW.