What Do People Do, Say, and Feel When They Have Affairs? Associations between Extradyadic Infidelity Motives with Behavioral, Emotional, and Sexual Outcomes

Abstract

In this study, we surveyed a sample of U.S. undergraduates and internet-based participants (N = 495) about their experiences during/after romantic infidelity (affairs), and their initial motivations to engage in infidelity. Meaningful associations emerged between motivation and experience variables. Dyadic motivations (e.g., anger at one's partner, lack of love) were linked with longer affairs, more public dates with affair partners, and primary relationship dissolution.Conversely, non-dyadic situational motivations (e.g., feeling stressed or intoxicated) were linked with shorter affairs, less satisfying sex during affairs, and lower rates of disclosure and dissolution. These findings suggest meaningful infidelity typologies and may aid researchers and practitioners in helping others resolve relational conflicts.

No Remorse: Sexual Infidelity Is Not Clearly Linked with Relationship Satisfaction or Well-Being in Ashley Madison Users

“…For instance, men on sites like Ashley Madison report having more sexual motivations for affairs, while women report more dyadic motivations such as feeling neglected, and trait Sociosexuality is also associated with sexual motivations for affairs and with greater sexual satisfaction during those affairs (Hackathorn & Ashdown, 2021 ). These findings have been reported in samples with participants who did not initiate their affairs online (Barta & Kiene, 2005 ; Selterman et al, 2019 , 2021 ), and similar results also emerged from samples from other websites geared toward facilitating infidelity, such as Second Love . Such studies additionally support links between higher Sociosexuality, lower commitment, and increased likelihood of having affairs (Rodrigues et al, 2017 ).…”

“…For instance, in a sample of (mostly) young adults in dating relationships, those who reported being motivated by dyadic factors such as anger or dissatisfaction also felt more intimacy/love and sexual excitement with their affair partners, had longer affairs, were more likely to disclose their affairs and breakup with their primary partners. By contrast, those motivated by non-dyadic factors such as esteem-seeking or situational shifts were less satisfied during their affairs, had briefer affairs, were more likely to keep their affairs secret and maintain their primary relationships (Selterman et al, 2021 ). Taken together, these findings suggest that affairs and the consequences of affairs are not monolithic.…”

Money lies and extramarital ties: Predicting separate and joint occurrences of financial deception and extramarital infidelity

“…Based on this SET process, we assert that spouses engage in MFD and EMI to obtain something they are not getting in their present relationship, to modify relationship dynamics, and/or to end their relationship. For example, some research suggests that individuals may pursue infidelity for reasons of a lack of love in their primary relationship or to find greater variety ( Selterman et al, 2021 ). Furthermore, one spouse who feels that the other spouse is too “miserly” might engage in MFD to obtain desired goods and services without their spouse’s knowledge and/or to avoid marital conflict ( Jeanfreau et al, 2020 ).…”

Loving you from afar: Attraction to others (“crushes”) among adults in exclusive relationships, communication, perceived outcomes, and expectations of future intimate involvement

“…It may be that crushes or minor attractions are themselves not necessarily problematic or predictive of relationship problems or dissolution; attraction to others may be a necessary, but not sufficient, prerequisite for infidelity to occur. In a study of infidelity motives and outcomes, participants who actually initiated a new relationship while in an established relationship scored higher on lack of love motivation compared to those who did not (Selterman et al, 2020).…”

“…Understanding attraction to others while in a relationship is important for a number of reasons. A premise of this research program is that not all attraction to others is destructive to primary relationships even though greater attraction to alternatives predicts relationship instability and can precede relationship dissolution (Miller, 2008), usually via infidelity (Foster et al, 2014;McNulty et al, 2018;Selterman et al, 2020). In formative work, over one-quarter (28.1%) of those in a committed intimate relationship had a crush at the time of the study and almost half (47.3%) reported having had at least one while in that relationship; no gender differences were found (authors).…”