What Shall We Call Ourselves? Last Names Among Lesbian, Gay, and Heterosexual Couples and Their Adopted Children

Abstract

Choices of last names for both adults and children are important family decisions that are often made upon marriage or upon the birth of a child. The gendered nature of such choices among heterosexual populations is well known, but they have not been widely studied among lesbian or gay populations. We studied selection of last names among 106 adoptive families-27 headed by lesbian couples, 29 headed by gay couples, and 50 headed by heterosexual couples-all of whom had adopted children at birth or in the first weeks of life. Whether in selection of last names for adults or for children, we found that heterosexual adoptive couples were more likely than lesbian and gay adoptive couples to follow patronymic conventions. Thus, heterosexual parents and their children were most likely to have identical last names. For lesbian and gay couples, in contrast, the most common scenario was for both adults to retain last names given to them at birth and hyphenate them to create last names for their children. Parents in lesbian and gay couples offered more detailed explanations of their choices than did those in heterosexual couples. Explanations offered by heterosexual parents were most likely to refer to tradition, but those given by same-sex parents were more likely to mention egalitarian or practical considerations. Overall, we found that same-sex and other-sex couples took very different approaches to the problem of naming themselves and their children.

Names and “Doing Gender”: How Forenames and Surnames Contribute to Gender Identities, Difference, and Inequalities

“…Studies of the surnaming practices of gay male couples suggest that surname changing is not practiced (Clarke et al 2008; Patterson and Farr 2016; Suter and Oswald 2003), whereas studies of lesbian couples with children reveal a variance in surnaming practices (Dempsey and Lindsay 2017). In most cases, though, the child is given the biological mother’s surname only, or less often, a joint surname to include that of the social mother (Almack 2005; Gartrell et al 1999).…”

Parental Naming Practices in Same‐Sex Adoptive Families

“…In this context, parents are often distinguished by who is the biological versus nonbiological mother (Gabb, 2005), and the traditional mother terms (e.g., Mom or Mommy) are typically taken on by the biological mother (Bergen et al, 2006;Brown & Perlesz, 2008;Gabb, 2005). Additionally, children most often are given the last name of the biological mother (Patterson & Farr, 2017), reflecting the primacy of biological motherhood in society at large (Gabb, 2005). Further, biological lesbian mothers may also take on greater domestic responsibility, possibly due to the role expectations associated with biological motherhood (see Goldberg, 2013).…”

“…Alternatively, this family may not be influenced by a need for public validation and thus select names that are not derived from the traditional name of mother . From a social constructionist perspective, the use of intentional parent names and family surnames (Patterson & Farr, ; Pilcher, ) represents one way for parents and children to engage in the process of “doing family” (Almack, ; Finch, ).…”

“…Other research also suggests that a preference for egalitarianism may underlie same‐sex parent families' naming choices (Bergen et al, ; Patterson & Farr, ). Bergen et al () interviewed 16 lesbian‐mother families formed via donor insemination and found that 12 out of 16 lesbian co‐mothers used parallel address terms—that is, parallel derivative forms of mother (e.g., Mommy and Mama ), identical derivative forms distinguished by each parent's first name or initial (e.g., Mama Kate or Mama T ), or a derivative form in English for the biological mother and a derivative of mother from another language or culture for the nonbiological mother.…”

“…In addition to the complexities of parent naming for same‐sex parents already discussed, the adoptive context introduces additional complexities and considerations in naming. Little work has examined naming in adoptive families, with existing work touching on the importance that families may bestow on renaming an adopted child (Firmin et al, ) and how different‐sex and same‐sex adoptive families choose a last name for their children (Patterson & Farr, ). Same‐sex adoptive parents often reported extensive discussion about last name choice.…”