Purpose Haemorrhoidal disease (HD) plagues one in every ten people, with a plethora of surgical treatment modalities, of which laser haemorrhoidoplasty (LHP) is a relatively novel option. This systematic review and meta-analysis objectively evaluated the efficacy, safety, and tolerability of LHP compared against conventional (Milligan-Morgan) open haemorrhoidectomy (CoH). Method A comprehensive search of MEDLINE, EMBASE, CENTRAL, and Google Scholar was conducted. Randomised controlled trials (RCTs) and comparative cohort studies (CCSs) which compared LHP against CoH were included, with postoperative pain as the primary outcome. Secondary outcomes included intraoperative characteristics, short- and moderate-term outcome, and complications. Results A total of 12 studies (6 RCTs and 6 CCSs), with a total of 1824 patients, were analysed. LHP resulted in reduced postoperative pain for the first day (mean difference of 2.07 visual analogue scale units), week, and month. The mean dosage and duration of postoperative analgesia use was similarly lower, with a mean difference of 4.88 mg (morphine) and 2.25 days, respectively. Crucially, recurrence was equivocal (HR: 0.72, CI: 0.21–2.40) at a mean follow-up duration of 8.58 ± 9.55 months. LHP resulted in lower blood loss and was 12.74 min shorter on average. LHP’s postoperative recovery time was 9.03 days less with equivalent or decreased risk of most short- and moderate-term complications except anal thrombosis. Conclusion Our study suggests that LHP is more tolerable than CoH, providing patients with superior postoperative quality of life at equivalent moderate-term efficacy. These findings contribute to improved understanding of LHP and its potential at enhancing the quality of HD care.