Sex is one of the dominant metaphors of China's postmillennial consumerist modernity. Public media and private discussions map endless pleasures and possibilities onto sexed bodies, foregrounding sexuality as an increasingly significant component of individual identity. Yet, as argued in this article, the diversity of sexual representations masks the discursive operation of the sexed body in consolidating individual accommodation with the consumer market and in “neutralizing” the exploratory and pluralist meanings of contemporary sexual culture. Inheriting a recent ideological history in which sexuality was not a significant component of public discussions about gender relationships, and in an ideological context bridging local and global interests that limit the interrogation of gender as a critical category of enquiry and organization, sex and the sexed body emerge in mainstream discourse as a collection of acts, responsibilities, and choices dissociated from the broad social issues of gender hierarchy and injustice.

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In the flow of the material, cultural and moral influences shaping contemporary Chinese society, individual desires for emotional communication are reconstituting the meaning of the subject, self and responsibility. This article draws on fieldwork conducted in Beijing between 2000 and 2004 to discuss the gendered dimensions of this process through an analysis of the implications of the “communicative intimacy” sought by mothers and daughters in their mutual relationship. What could be termed a “feminization of intimacy” is the effect of two distinct but linked processes: on the one hand, a market-supported naturalization of women's roles, and on the other, the changing subjective articulation of women's needs, desires and expectations of family and personal relationships. I argue that across these two processes, the celebration of a communicative intimacy does not signify the emergence of more equal family or gender relationships, as recent theories about the individualization and cultural democratization of daily life in Western societies have argued. As families and kin groups, communities and neighbourhoods are physically, spatially and socially broken up, and as gender differences in employment and income increase, media and “expert” encouragement to mothers to become the all-round confidantes, educators and moral guides of their children affirms women's responsibilities in the domestic sphere. Expectations of mother–daughter communication reshape the meaning – and experience – of the individual subject in the changing character of the urban family at the same time as they reinforce ideas about women's gendered attributes and the responsibilities associated with them.

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