In recent years, mobility of brains, especially the mobility of academics and researchers in higher education has gained momentum (Kim, 2017). The internationalisation policies of higher education in Europe in terms of the Bologna and Lisbon processes have stimulated both the mobility within Europe and the immigration to Europe to enhance European competitiveness in higher education (De Wit, 2012;Teichler, 2009). At the same time, there is a dark side to European academic mobility: the emigration to other countries in the form of brain drain or human capital loss (Ackers, 2008;Grigolo et al, 2010;Teichler, 2009). Contrary to the short-term mobility encouraged by internationalisation policies, brain drain is the permanent outflow of highly skilled migrants from a country,

As an international doctoral researcher with a new-born daughter by my side, I reveal, in this autoethnography, the struggles to survive in the academic labor market of a non-Anglophone country, Finland. This personal narrative combined with sociological theory of Marxism brings a bottom-up perspective of international doctoral students. The purpose is to look inward and expose my vulnerable self that has been affected, moved and refracted by the academic neoliberalism causing alienation and my resistance. Explaining academic work as labor through vignettes, I present four cases of Marxist alienation that corelates with the alienation of early career researchers from the product (research output), process (doing research), species-essence (the passion of research) and other workers (academic colleagues). The findings of this autoethnography reiterates that academic labor is indeed in crisis. I recommend as researchers we should recognize this estrangement of academic labor and bring change through personal agency and ethical accountability.

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