Objective: To better understand the subjective lived experience of persons diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder (AVPD).Methods: Persons with an AVPD (N = 15) were interviewed twice with semistructured qualitative interviews and analyzed through interpretative-phenomenological analysis.Persons with first-hand experience of AVPD were included in the research process.Results: The superordinate theme, "struggling to be a person," encompassed two main themes. The first, "fear and longing," incorporated the subthemes "longing for connection," "dreading to get close" and "being alone, for better or for worse." The second main theme, "a doubting self," included the subthemes "feeling insecure" and "searching for a sense of self." Conclusions: The findings shed light on how the reflexive selves of people with AVPD might struggle with sensemaking, sense of agency, and identity. This study underscores how impaired tacit knowledge of social behavior can hamper the process of being a person in relation to others. K E Y W O R D S avoidant personality disorder, qualitative research, sense of self, service-user involvement, subjective lived experience

Objective: To inquire into the subjective experience of treatment by persons diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder. Methods: Persons with avoidant personality disorder (n = 15) were interviewed twice, using semi-structured in-depth interviews, and the responses subject to interpretativephenomenological analysis. Persons with first-hand experience of avoidant personality disorder were included in the research process. Results: The super ordinate theme emerging from the interviews, "searching for courage to be" encompassed three main themes: "seeking trust, strength, and freedom," "being managed," and "discovering the possibility for change and development." The main theme, "being managed," included the subthemes: "getting a diagnosis," "receiving medication," and "attending therapy." Conclusion: Although this may not be specific to avoidant personality disorder, the findings highlight the importance of being met inter-subjectively as a person with intentionality and agency, even when one does not feel like one. The importance of establishing an emotional bond and emergent trust for open therapeutic collaboration, learning, and becoming able to build courage to begin to approach that which one fears is emphasized.

Objective To better understand how persons diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) make sense of the origin and development of their current everyday struggles. Methods Persons with AVPD (N = 15) were interviewed twice using semi‐structured qualitative interviews, which were analyzed through interpretative‐phenomenological analysis. Persons with the first‐hand experience of AVPD were included in the research. Results The superordinate theme, “a story of becoming forlorn,” encompassed three main themes: “it goes all the way back to when I was little,” “there was a distance between others and me,” and “transitions made it worse.” Conclusions Though the results are not necessarily specific to AVPD, the findings clarify how people with AVPD can make sense of their current struggles by constructing developmental life stories in the interplay between themselves as persons and the growing demands of their social world. Furthermore, childhood relational vulnerabilities may challenge the ongoing development of social cognition and skills.