Polyolefins compose the majority of plastic waste, but conventional mechanical recycling degrades their properties, thereby reducing their value. We report the functionalization of a model for dehydrogenated polyethylene, polycyclooctene (PCOE), with thiol−ene click chemistry to install pendant hydroxyl ethyl thioethers. Functionalization of PCOE using mercaptoethanol via thiol−ene click chemistry yielded functionalization between 1.4 and 22.9% based on ethylene monomeric units. Reactions were well-controlled by varying the reagent stoichiometry and reaction time. Crystallinity and melting temperature decreased, and glass transition temperature increased with greater functionalization. Contact angle measurements reveal an increase in surface polarity with functionalization. Comparisons with poly(ethylene-co-vinyl alcohol) (EVOH) show comparable surface polarity at similar levels of alcohol functionalization. At 12% functionalization, the ultimate shear stress (USS) of functionalized PCOE in an adhesive configuration is 4.10 ± 0.48 MPa, comparable to EVOH. At >12% functionalization, the failure mode changed from adhesive to mixed adhesive−cohesive, and the USS decreased.