A Mentalizing‐Based Approach to Family Mediation: Harnessing Our Fundamental Capacity to Resolve Conflict and Building an Evidence‐Based Practice for the Field*

Abstract

This article presents the results of a research study into mentalizing in family mediation. The study employed a mixed‐method approach, which included quantitative and qualitative empirical analysis of mediation transcripts and postmediation surveys. The research identified that, when the mediators adopted a mentalizing stance to facilitate the parties to engage their mentalizing capacities and, in particular, to mentalize for the child, the mediation process became more constructive and meaningful. The article makes recommendations for incorporating a mentalizing‐based approach into the research and education of mediation and building an evidence‐based practice for the field. Empirical evidence into the interventions used in family mediation Introducing a mentalizing‐based approach to practice Creating an environment for constructive family dispute resolution Methods to keep the best interests of the child in mind in mediation

I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict

“…During conflict, a hostile approach typically produces hostility in return from the other person, potentially creating a negative downward spiral (Bowen, Winczewski & Collins, 2016; Park & Antonioni, 2007; Pike & Sillars, 1985; Wiebe & Zhang, 2017). Therefore, it is not surprising that recommendations abound in the academic and popular literature about specific communication tactics to minimise perceptions of hostility (Bloomquist, 2012; Hargie, 2011; Heydenberk & Heydenberk, 2007; Howieson & Priddis, 2015; Kidder, 2017; Moore, 2014; Whitcomb & Whitcomb, 2013). …”

“…Consideration of the perspective of the other party is widely held to be beneficial during conflict (Ames, 2008; Galinksy et al, 2008; Hargie, 2011; Howieson & Priddis, 2015; Kidder, 2017). An understanding of perspectives facilitates a more integrative approach where parties are willing to compromise to arrive at a mutually beneficial solution (Galinksy et al, 2008; Kemp & Smith, 1994; Todd & Galinsky, 2014).…”

“…An understanding of perspectives facilitates a more integrative approach where parties are willing to compromise to arrive at a mutually beneficial solution (Galinksy et al, 2008; Kemp & Smith, 1994; Todd & Galinsky, 2014). Therefore, in dispute resolution a mediator will endeavour to encourage perspective taking by both parties (Howieson & Priddis, 2012, 2015; Ingerson, DeTienne & Liljenquist, 2015; Kidder, 2017; Lee et al, 2015). However, fostering perspective taking is more involved than simply telling someone to try and consider the other person’s point of view.…”

“…However, fostering perspective taking is more involved than simply telling someone to try and consider the other person’s point of view. In the negotiation/mediation literature it is recognised that increasing levels of perspective taking is best achieved via the communication process that occurs during a negotiation (Howieson & Priddis, 2012, 2015; Kidder, 2017). …”

“…Kellas, Willer & Trees (2013) refer to this as communicating perspective taking , and report that married couples typically perceive agreement, relevant contributions, coordination, and positive tone as communicated evidence of perspective taking. A more direct strategy to communicate perspective taking is to paraphrase the perspective of the other party (Howieson & Priddis, 2015; Kidder, 2017). For example, by explicitly stating what you perceive is the other’s point of view by saying something like ‘What I’m hearing is that perhaps you aren’t seeing enough evidence of appreciation and so feel like you’re being taken for granted’.…”