Accounting for Single Status: Heterosexism and Ageism in Heterosexual Women's Talk about Marriage

Abstract

Interviews are reported in which heterosexual women construct unmarried status as a temporary stage, preparatory to marriage, or the consequence of failure to maintain heterosexual relationships. Remaining single in later life is constructed as a threat, and older single women are constructed as lonely and isolated. Women construct themselves as responsible for the ending of past relationships, and report having been held to account in this way by significant others. It is argued that these accounts reflect the discourses of heterosexual romantic quest, and the gendered division of emotional labour in marriage. Participants' accounts are characterized by heterosexism and ageism, and the authors discuss issues of collusion with these in the collection of data.

The abject single: exploring the gendered experience of singleness in Britain

“…Those whose intimate lives do not conform to the heteronormative framework are subjected to economic, political and social sanctions, as exemplified by the fate of Eleanor Rigby, the spinster who died alone, childless and in poverty. Indeed, single individuals are often construed as deviant (Rich 1980;Sandfield and Percy 2003;Holden 2007), pathological (Reynolds and Wetherell 2003) and promiscuous (Gordon 1994). As Butler (1993) implies, the symbolic repercussion of assuming the abject position of singleness is that of 'terror' since such a position is culturally 'unintelligible' given the lack of symbolic resources that make possible the articulation of single experience.…”

“…Meanwhile, individuals who remain single are deemed 'failed' subjects since they have not traversed the normative rite of passage as culturally 'expected' (Sandfield and Percy 2003).…”

The ‘problem’ with single women

“…On the other hand, women can talk unashamedly about their desire for a relationship and risk being constructed as deficient and ''desperate'', and marked by their failure to already have a man. (Reynolds & Wetherell, 2003, p. 506) What is striking in many of the studies of single women is the highly individualized nature of their identity work, as it is conducted in accordance with gender accountability (Lahad, 2013;Reynolds, Wetherell, & Taylor, 2007;Sandfield & Percy, 2003). This process of self-management might be different if alternative norms were available to women that allowed for celebrating a single identity.…”

“…This research reveals a number of patterns with some accruing greater social recognition than others (Addie and Brownlow, 2014, p. 424). Empirical research has investigated how the status of singlehood impacts upon women's identity (Lewis & Moon, 1997;Reynolds, 2006;Reynolds & Wetherell, 2003;Sandfield & Percy, 2003;Sharp & Ganong, 2011). Because successfully performing femininity according to dominant cultural norms means having a sexual connection to a man, single women confront the knowledge that their identities are 'tainted' by their unpartnered status.…”

“…Sandfield and Percy (2003) note that when navigating stigma, women may construct their unmarried status as a temporary stage in their progress towards marriage to alleviate a sense of failure or they may concede their status as a sign of personal failure to find a partner or maintain a previous relationship. Other studies also show that the mark of 'failure' haunts women's negotiations leaving them feeling ambivalent and uncertain about their identity (Sharp & Ganong, 2007).…”