This article explores the troublesome ways in which violence and pleasure become conflated for both hypermasculine and effeminate men. Using images from contemporary culture and incidents from the author's life, the article ponders how men might negotiate this unfortunate bind. I n the film, Jarhead, a group of Marines gang up on another member of their platoon. Held down, the targeted man is threatened with a branding, with burning into his skin the insignia of the Marines. We see his resistance, his fear, before learning this was just a joke. Later on in the film, another Marine who had gained the respect of the unit but is being discharged because of a previous criminal record, is branded, marked in the desire to be what a Marine often is, scarred into manhood.When Arnold Schwarzenegger calls his political opponents "girly men," he mistakenly believes that the phrase, taken from the Saturday Night Live parody of his hypermasculinity, is just a comic insult, without implications. But he is with each utterance of the phrase saying that people, men and women, who act like women are of questionable value, a step below, not to be taken seriously, dismissible. Schwarzenegger's use of the phrase is a strategy of control, of domination, an ongoing bid for power over others. It is taking pleasure in maintaining the privilege of masculinity. It requires forced submission.I dwell in the space between jarheads and girly men, between hypermasculinity and femininity, negotiating violence, its repugnancy, and its pleasures. I write to uncover how I have become trapped within a cultural logic that pulls me into a sadistic desire to be or identify with a person in power. Knowing that I have been both a jarhead and a girly man, I write so that I might maneuver without causing harm, without taking pleasure in violence. I write, offering a series of life examples and disclosing perhaps more than I should, to show how being a girly man can be a resistant strategy.