Cherished families, unspoken truths: Navigating hidden and challenging family experiences while growing up with LGBTQ parents

Abstract

ObjectiveThis study aims to advance understanding of hidden, complex, and resilient family experiences as perceived by adult children from LGBTQ‐parent families.BackgroundDifficult and taboo family topics (e.g., mental illness, substance abuse, violence, infidelity, poverty) are rarely examined, particularly among LGBTQ‐parent families, in part reflecting researcher and family concerns about stigmatization or misrepresentation. Unique, complex, and resilient aspects of growing up in LGBTQ‐parent families reveal the need to study LGBTQ‐parent families in their own right, and not simply from a heteronormative, comparative perspective.MethodA sample of 39 adults raised by LGBTQ parents responded to a mixed‐methods online survey regarding parental and child‐related dynamics, challenges, and disclosure practices experienced while growing up. Descriptive statistics and qualitative content analysis were used to analyze the data.ResultsParticipants reported an array of challenging family experiences, about which they recalled great pressure to conceal, because of the intersecting stigmas associated with their parents' sexual orientation, the difficulties they faced, and their associated fears of negative evaluation and interference by systems of authority. Their narratives revealed several themes related to navigating challenging LGBTQ family experiences, such as feeling that their families' difficulties were not the result of having LGBTQ parents, but instead due to structural heteronormativity and marginalization.ConclusionAs a minoritized group, LGBTQ‐parent families experience societal scrutiny and family stress. Yet, despite reporting multiple problems and stressors associated with their childhoods, participants also revealed great insight and resilience as they sought to understand the complexity of their family upbringing.

LGBTQ parents’ accounts of their children’s experiences with heterosexism in schools.

“…Also, several participants noted that they were uncertain about whether their children had experienced stigma at school, insomuch as their children had not talked to them about it. Certainly, some parents may have underreported instances of stigma given that their children may not have disclosed such experiences to them—for example, out of a desire to protect their parents’ feelings and/or because they had internalized societal pressures to present as well adjusted, “problem free” children of LGBTQ parents (A. E. Goldberg et al, 2023).…”

LGBTQ family building: A guide for prospective parents. By Abbie E.Goldberg, Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. 2022. pp. 295. $16.99 (paperback). ISBN: 978‐1‐4338‐3392‐2

“…In LGBTQ family science, resilience-focused research has often needed to prove the "normalcy" of queer people-to show that queer people were not just surviving, but were overcoming the deficits that risk theories highlighted; that their children were doing well and their relationships were successful (Farr et al, 2022;Goldberg, 2007). Through comparisons to heteronormative families, this work had to advocate that queer people were "just like everyone else," though managing LGBTQ-associated hardships and discrimination (Garwood & Lewis, 2019;Goldberg et al, 2023;Stacey & Biblarz, 2001).…”

“…We also know little about platonic co-parenting, which resists the idea that parenting needs to stem from two romantically or sexually involved partners. Researchers also could explore how LGBTQ parents wrestle with complicated tensions embedded within certain pathways to parenthood, such as transnational surrogacy or transracial adoption (Geerts & Evertsson, 2022;Goldberg et al, 2023;Shaw et al, 2022). Lastly and more foundationally, researchers could begin to pull apart intentions, desires, and motivations for parenthood in the first place.…”