Clinical Guidelines for Working With Stepfamilies: What Family, Couple, Individual, and Child Therapists Need to Know

Abstract

This article draws on four decades of research and clinical practice to delineate guidelines for evidence-informed, clinically sound work with stepfamilies for couple, family, individual adult, and child therapists. Few clinicians receive adequate training in working with the intense and often complex dynamics created by stepfamily structure and history. This is despite the fact that stepfamilies are a fundamentally different family form that occurs world-wide. As a result many clinicians rely on their training in first-time family models. This is not only often unhelpful, but all too often inadvertently destructive. The article integrates a large body of increasingly sophisticated research about stepfamilies with the author's four decades of clinical practice with stepfamily relationships. It describes the ways in which stepfamilies are different from first-time families. It delineates the dynamics of five major challenges stepfamily structure creates: (1) Insider/outsider positions are intense and they are fixed. (2) Children struggle with losses, loyalty binds, and change. (3) Issues of parenting, stepparenting, and discipline often divide the couple. (4) Stepcouples must build a new family culture while navigating previously established family cultures. (5) Ex-spouses (other parents outside the household) are part of the family. Some available data are shared on the impact of cultural and legal differences on these challenges. A three-level model of clinical intervention is presented: Psychoeducational, Interpersonal, and Intrapsychic/Intergenerational Family-of-Origin. The article describes some "easy wrong turns" for well-meaning therapists and lists some general clinical guidelines for working with stepfamily relationships.

Recoupling in Mid‐Life and Beyond: From Love at Last to Not So Fast

“…In contrast, in stepfamilies of all ages, the deep lines of attachment and shared history lie between the parent and his or her children, as do the agreements about money, time, family rituals, and a host of other things. As a result, stepfamilies of all ages must build intimate relationships on a fundamentally different foundation from first‐time families (Papernow, , , , ).…”

“…Or because either of you is hypocritical !” (an accusation I often hear). “ It's because you live in a stepfamily!” The goal is not to “be on the same page.” It is to be able to talk constructively and kindly about being on such different pages (Papernow, , ).…”

“…Psychoeducation about what is normal and improved interpersonal practices can go a long way in easing the pain. However, when reactivity remains, it is time to look for old family‐of‐origin bruises or intergenerational legacies that may be driving reactivity (Papernow, , ). Always begin by validating the intense feelings that stepfamily challenges create.

Sally and Tony, continued Tony wants to help his son Roger buy a new truck.

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“…Skilled help can make a big difference in meeting these challenges. However, relying upon first‐time family clinical models is inadequate, misleading, and even destructive (Browning, ; Browning & Artfelt, ; Papernow, , , , , ).…”

Editorial: Step‐Families in Family Therapy and Family Science

“…We are fortunate in this issue to have three comprehensive summaries of research and practice with step‐families that can help inform work with these couples and families. Ganong and Coleman provide a definitive review of the research about step‐families (Ganong & Coleman, ), while Patricia Papernow in two separate papers speaks to an evidence‐informed view of how to work with step‐families in the therapy context, as well as with the more recent development of the increase in late‐life step‐families (Papernow, ,b). They offer the best summaries we have at present for what is important to know about and how to help these family systems.…”