This paper explores the emotional dimensions of doing covert research with antagonistic organisations. Drawing on the experiences of three researchers who identify as lesbian, gay, and LGBT ally, who covertly attended public and semipublic conferences and events organised by groups with heteroactivist positionings over two years, we consider the multiple, nuanced and complex emotional dimensions of being "behind enemy lines" (Jansson, 2010). We argue for greater consideration of the emotional spaces covert research creates, as in our case a "closet" space was produced which suppressed our sexualities or allyship. Furthermore, we argue that the process of doing covert research is one that both precedes and exceeds being in the field, and as such, we need to pay attention to researcher emotion as a process that begins long before we step into the field and continues long after we leave.covert research, covert self, emotion, heteroactivism, lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans, positionality 1 | INTRODUCTION Going undercover within antagonistic groups has long been a method used by activists and academics looking to understand and/or expose their inner workings, and in contemporary times is a prevalent choice of LGBT activists. For instance, during the Australian same-sex marriage campaign in 2017, the online LGBT news outlet Pink News sent undercover journalists to events organised by oppositional group Coalition for Marriage to report on the strategies of the "No" campaign. Within the academy, some of the authors of this paper have been undertaking covert participant observation since 2015, seeking to understand how anti-LGBT equalities discourses operate in Canada, the UK and Australia, places where these equalities have been "won," and to trace the growing resistance to the rights of LGBT people (Browne & Nash, 2014;Nash & Browne, 2015). Three members of our research team, Kath Browne, Andrew McCartan and Heather Maguire (who identify as lesbian, gay and LGBT ally respectively), have gone undercover, attending evangelical and anti-LGBT Christian group conferences, joining anti-feminist and anti-LGBT, "pro-family" organisations, participating in right-wing think tank and political party conventions, and various anti-LGBT rallies, talks and protests in Canada, Ireland, Wales and England. Our Research Ethics Board (REB) approved the research and required we observe only in public or semi-public places. While the REB provided pragmatic guidelines to ensure the ethical treatment and well-being of the research participants, there was no consideration of the well-being of the researchers (see TCPS2, 2014).In this paper, we explore the tremendous emotional strain of doing covert research with those whose views are antithetical to our own and we consider the messy and often deeply unsettling emotional aspects of doing covert research as LGBT people and allies going undercover with heteroactivist organisations. We position our discussion within geographical ---