Differentiation of Self and the Process of Forgiveness: A Clinical Perspective for Couple and Family Therapy

Abstract

In this article we explore the role of differentiation of self in facilitating forgiveness in the context of couple and family relationships. Differentiation is defined from the Bowen perspective as the ability to connect with others without being excessively emotionally reactive to the ebb and flow inherent in all significant relationships (being able to connect to others yet also being able to self-regulate). Forgiveness is described as the releasing of an emotional injury via a complex psychological and relational process that is less an act of will than a discovery or possibility through understanding and empathy. Differentiation of self is related to emotional intelligence and empathy. The developmental and relational benefits of such are illustrated and discussed. A rationale for viewing differentiation and forgiveness in a contextual, historical, and relational attachment paradigm is suggested. Relevant clinical cases illustrate the dynamics of differentiation and forgiveness as discovery in the context of an understanding and empathic relational environment.

Romantic Jealousy From the Perspectives of Bowen’s Concept of Differentiation and Gender Differences

“…The findings of the current study do not provide a direct answer to this question, but they do suggest that higher levels of jealousy are to some degree associated with difficulties in forming a differentiated autonomic identity, and that they imply some degree of psychological distress, especially for women. Therefore, as suggested by Hill, Hesty, and Moore (2011), jealousy may be a virtue, but it is also a potential source of distress and threat.…”

Couple Resilience

“…The combination of these emotional processes has been observed in clinical practice and was elaborated upon by Hill, Hasty, and Moore ( 2011 ). The combination of these emotional processes has been observed in clinical practice and was elaborated upon by Hill, Hasty, and Moore ( 2011 ).…”

COVID Couple Therapy: Telehealth and Somatic Action Techniques

“…When either or both members of a couple have experienced trauma, the couple relationship is fraught with relational minefields and much of the work of nurturing the relationship must involve accommodation, acceptance, empathy, and forgiveness (Hill, Hasty, & Moore, 2011 ).…”