Fragile Intimacies: Marriage and Love in the Palestinian Camps of Jordan (1948––2001)

Abstract

This article focuses on conjugal love as an articulated, lived emotion; on relationships between spouses within the context of the family; and on how these emotions and relations have changed over time in Palestinian refugee camps in Jordan. Based on interviews with four generations of Palestinian camp women, the article charts evolving marital patterns and attitudes toward marriage in relation to changing political circumstances and diverse influences. Particular emphasis is given to the third generation and the emergence of individualization of choice and its consequences. The influence of the family and the role of protection in the formation of conjugal bonds are also addressed.

Decision-Making, Violence, Resistance, and Love: Contested and Complicating Narratives of Syrian Marriages

“…In some cases, it is not violence that emerges within accounts of love, but the notion of resistance as an external threat to love. Within existing literature about Syrian marriages, there is sometimes reference to how individuals might resist plans for their own marriages, but few accounts of how other family members might resist love marriages (Abdallah, 2009; Kandiyoti, 1988). This article thus contributes to new knowledge about the varied reasons for resistance to proposed love marriages.…”

Early marriage and displacement�a conversation: how Syrian daughters, mothers and mothers-in-law in Jordan understand marital decision-making

“…Second, unlike Amina, Farah felt that her community's understanding of early marriage had changed in exile. Marital decision-making in the Middle East is not static; ethnographic studies with Palestinian, Jordanian and Syrian women indicate that it is repeatedly reshaped by shifting socioeconomic realities, including women's (and men's) newfound access to higher education, increased costs of living and displacement (Adely 2016, Latte Abdallah 2009, Rabo 2008. At the end of the 20th, and at the beginning of the 21st century, Adely, Latte Abdallah and Rabo all document the growing importance of individual marital choice for women, higher rates of divorce and female celibacy.…”

Love, Materiality, and Masculinity in Jordan

“…Yet, on the other hand, as being passionately in love is conceived as a force that makes people give and compromise excessively, it can be considered a loss of agency (see also McKay 2007, 188) as well as of another important masculine feature, reason (Abu-Lughod 1986; Hoodfar 2009). Even though romantic feelings between spouses are no longer a taboo to the extent they were earlier in history (Latte-Abdallah 2009; Mernissi 1975), the hegemonic notion of masculinity (Connell 1987) still seems to emphasize not being at the mercy of one’s romantic emotions and, hence, of women.…”

“…I asked him whether people in his social circles would consider being in love a weakness for a man because of how it can make you more likely to compromise. He concurs that many would consider it embarrassing for a man to love his wife “so much.” He describes this as something a man would not admit to verbally, but which is nevertheless visible to others in the way he does “everything for her,” buying her things and giving her money (see also Latte-Abdallah 2009, 50).…”

“…Even though a formal engagement is a socially accepted way for a couple to date and find out whether they are compatible, broken engagements can severely affect women’s marriage prospects. Hence, Nadine explained, when at the point of formal engagement ( katib al kitab ), the male partner pays the first part of the bride-price ( mahr , on average around US$5,000) as local custom demands, in addition to its being an indicator of appreciation for the bride (Latte-Abdallah 2009, 50–51), it is an important sign of commitment to a relationship in a very tangible way: If a man wants to break off an engagement after the katib al kitab , he cannot get the mahr back. Therefore, paying the mahr guarantees that the male partner also has a stake in the relationship’s success, as otherwise he might get engaged without much consideration and then break it off just as easily.…”