Intimacy and Emotion Work in Lesbian, Gay, and Heterosexual Relationships

Abstract

Knowledge about how gender shapes intimacy is dominated by a heteronormative focus on relationships involving a man and a woman. In this study, the authors shifted the focus to consider gendered meanings and experiences of intimacy in same-sex and different-sex relationships. They merged the gender-as-relational perspective—that gender is co-constructed and enacted within relationships—with theoretical perspectives on emotion work and intimacy to frame an analysis of in-depth interviews with 15 lesbian, 15 gay, and 20 heterosexual couples. They found that emotion work directed toward minimizing and maintaining boundaries between partners is key to understanding intimacy in long-term relationships. Moreover, these dynamics, including the type and division of emotion work, vary for men and women depending on whether they are in a same-sex or different-sex relationship. These findings push thinking about diversity in long-term relationships beyond a focus on gender difference and toward gendered relational contexts.

Gendered emotion work around physical health problems in mid- and later-life marriages

“…Socially constructed gender differences within marriage contribute to disparities in emotion work (Erickson, 2005; Pfeffer, 2010; Umberson et al, 2015). Emotion work was first conceptualized by Arlie Hochschild (2003) as a component of both paid work outside the home (i.e., emotional labor) and unpaid work in the home (i.e., emotion work).…”

“…Alongside other forms of unpaid work, including childcare and housework, emotion work is more often done by women compared to men and is often unacknowledged and invisible (Eichler & Albanese, 2007; Erickson, 2005). Emotion work can be a source of stress, particularly when it is unreciprocated and unappreciated and when it involves suppressing one’s own emotions (Umberson et al, 2015). For example, a person may act upbeat and happy while hiding his/her true feelings of anxiety and worry over a spouse’s depression in an effort to improve the spouse’s psychological state; this process may create stress and anxiety by increasing a sense of responsibility for the emotion worker (Thomeer, Umberson, & Pudrovska, 2013).…”

“…Much like other forms of unpaid work, the division of emotion work is highly gendered wherein women do a disproportionate share of emotion work relative to men (Erickson, 2005; Hochschild, 2003; Umberson, Thomeer, & Lodge, 2015). Previous research suggests that emotion work is especially present within marriage during times of high stress (Erickson, 2005; Pfeffer, 2010), and one of the most pervasive stressor in mid- and later-life occurs when one or both spouses have physical health problems (Taylor & Aspinwall, 1996).…”

Gender, Emotion Work, and Relationship Quality: A Daily Diary Study

“…Researchers have found that women in both same-sex and different-sex relationships do more emotion work than men to allow and encourage the sharing of personal thoughts, feelings, and emotions between relational partners (Umberson, Thomeer, & Lodge, 2015). When men do engage in emotion work, they describe it in masculinized terms, similar to how they would describe themselves as financial providers (Thomeer, Reczek, & Umberson, 2015).…”

Male emotionality: ‘boys don’t cry’ versus ‘it’s good to talk’

“…A wide range of research has been conducted to look at emotion management and emotional labour in the context of organisations and the workplace (Zapf, 2002). The term 'emotion work' relates primarily to the private sphere and has been widely used within research on intimacy and personal relationships where the focus has been on relational emotion work, that done by one person for the benefit of another (for example Duncombe and Marsden, 1995;Erickson, 2005;Umberson et al, 2015). This paper considers the emotion management of personal emotions only, not interpersonal emotion management, in order to look at two types of work being done by the men in this research: the traditional work of constraining emotion, and the therapeutic work of disclosing emotion.…”