We describe a new technique for measuring the bidirectional texture function (BTF) of a surface that requires no mechanical movement, can measure surfaces in situ under arbitrary lighting conditions, and can be made small, portable and inexpensive. The enabling innovation is the use of a tapered kaleidoscope, which allows a camera to view the same surface sample simultaneously from many directions. Similarly, the surface can be simultaneously illuminated from many directions, using only a single structured light source. We describe the techniques of construction and measurement, and we show experimental results.